All Cats are Grey in the Dark
by squidward tortellini
Summary: "It's so easy to see the galaxy in black and white, but grey? I don't know what to do with grey." The adventures of FemShep/Garrus spanning from their first encounter in ME1 and beyond ME3 Destroy ending. (Lots of spoilers. T for cussing and innuendo in later chapters). They deserve a happy ending for a change.
1. Better than C-Sec

**AUTHOR NOTE: **Welcome to "All Cats are Grey in the Dark" I'm taking a break from writing my other story for the Persona Series. Recently I've gotten into Mass Effect BIG TIME so I felt the need to write something for FemShep and Garrus! Although I've heard from many people that the original ending of ME3 was rubbish and the new ending is much better, I still felt a bit empty at the end of it. So I've decided to start from the beginning - all the way back to ME1.

I'm going to be including some events and excluding others. This is going to be a pretty big project, as I'm starting from the moment Garrus breaks away from C-Sec, past the Collector Base, and past the High EMS Destroy ending. I WILL be including what happens when Shepard takes her quiet breath from under the pile of rubble after activating the Crucible. I'm actually really excited to get to my interpretation of what happens afterwards, because I feel like there are so many things that could happen. It's all very exciting!

Last note is that the title is a play on Garrus' quip about the world being black and white. I'll probably be making more speeches about it later on in the story when it becomes more relevant, but it was still important to introduce the idea in the earlier chapters.

Anyway, enjoy!

* * *

The first time they met could have been under better circumstances. In the midst of an investigation against Saren, Shepard and Garrus both found themselves at impassable obstructions.

Shepard knew that speaking to the Council would only lead to disappointment. She lacked the most important part of convicting the Spectre – evidence. Garrus found himself unable to grasp any leads against the fellow turian because his Spectre status made him untouchable. Garrus was bogged down by C-Sec regulations and red tape.

Shepard walked up one of the many staircases leading to the Council meeting. In front of her were two turians.

"Saren's hiding something." Said the one on the left in cobalt blue armor. "Give me more time – stall them." He nodded his head in the direction of the Council.

"Stall the council? Don't be ridiculous." The turian on her right replied. His complexion was dark, and was decorated with intricate tattoos that weaved up his forehead towards his fringe. "Your investigation is over, Garrus." The turian walked away, leaving the one named Garrus in silence.

Garrus glanced over to Shepard and watched her for a moment before stepping forward. "Commander Shepard?" he asked, nodding once in introduction. "Garrus Vakarian. I was the officer in charge of the C-Sec investigation into Saren." His complexion was lighter than the turian who had left. Blue tattoos spread out across the bridge of his nose, under his eyes, and onto his mandibles.

"Come across anything I should know about?" she asked him. He moved his arms from his sides and hugged them tightly to his midsection. "Saren's a Spectre. Most of his activities are classified. I couldn't find anything solid."

Unfortunately it wasn't good news, but somehow, it was good to hear that she wasn't alone in her misfortunes.

"Good luck Shepard, maybe they'll listen to you."

Hah. Yeah right.

* * *

Shepard started to wonder if Garrus was anything but impulsive. She never thought she'd be drawing her gun on her first trip to the Citdel, especially the med clinic of all places. After Dr. Michel was safely away from the thugs that threatened her life, Shepard walked over to Garrus.

"Perfect timing Shepard, gave me a clear shot at that bastard." He pointed his talons at her, unaware that she was angry.

"Are you hit anywhere?" she asked quickly, barely giving him enough time to finish his sentence.

"What? No, of course not." He replied. The mere thought of being shot by a lowlife thug made Garrus frown. It was almost insulting – but the look on Shepard's face made him stop the thought in its tracks. She didn't look disgusted or angry but she looked upset. Her eyes were looking him over, despite him having said he was uninjured. She was _concerned?_ But why? They barely knew each other.

"_What_ were you _thinking_?" she said, her voice snapping and authoritative. The sudden change from concerned to chiding was surprising, and Garrus had to blink in surprise. "You could have hit the hostage." Shepard gestured to Dr. Michel, still shaken but uninjured.

"There wasn't time to think I just reacted, I didn't think, I didn't mean to…Dr. Michel are you hurt?" he felt himself unable to form any sort of coherence. It was rare that Garrus was lost for words. Shepard was making him nervous. She was making him question his own actions. Shepard was far from offending him, but her tone made him regret his actions. How had she managed to put him in his place after only speaking to him twice?

Dr. Michel assured both of them that she was fine, and gave them the information they needed to stop Saren. Garrus finally felt the wheels starting to turn. He _had_ to get to the quarian and end Saren. "This is your show Shepard," he said, and she remained in front of him – unmoving. "but I want to bring Saren down as much as you do. I'm coming with you."

When Shepard didn't speak for a moment and simply looked him over, Garrus quickly thought over how aggressive and forward his statement was – especially when speaking to a Commanding officer.

"You're a turian," she finally replied, folding her arms over her chest. "Why do you want to bring him down?"

"I couldn't find the proof I needed in my investigation, but I knew what was really going on. Saren is a traitor to the council and a _disgrace_ to my people." He waved his hand in an irritated manner but quickly tried to reign in his feelings. He was about to reevaluate himself for the second time when she put out her hand.

"Welcome aboard, Garrus." She said, and when he shook her hand, she held it in place.

"Can I count on you to follow my orders now?" she asked, and her eyes were staring into him. His display of heroics felt like nothing more than embarrassment now, especially since he was a turian. He was brought up and trained to follow orders. He needed to prove it.

"Yes, Commander." Was his reply. She smiled, placing her other hand on top of their handshake before letting go completely. Garrus noted it was particularly strange for a human to touch any other galactic species. For Shepard to show more than formalities towards a _turian_ was practically unheard of. Perhaps Shepard didn't discriminate against the other races, she only cared if they were good or bad.

* * *

Garrus learned quickly not to be shocked by the people Shepard decided to pick up along the way. Ashley and Kaiden were equally displeased of being dismissed to go back to the Normandy for some rest, but Shepard never wavered when it came to making decisions. She made good use of her time, going directly to a krogan bounty hunter called Wrex who was hired to kill someone linked to Saren. A dealer for the Shadow Broker, named 'Fist', was about to be the reason for the quarian's demise. To his mild disappointment, Garrus didn't get the chance to show Fist justice for what he had done. They hadn't spoken to Fist for five minutes before Wrex decided it was a good time to shut him up permanently. With his shotgun.

Shepard wasn't particularly impressed with Wrex and didn't hesitate in telling the krogan to _never overstep her authority again_. Although Wrex was unsympathetic about his actions, Garrus didn't miss the hesitation on his part of having to go toe to toe with the Commander. She was small but she was intimidating. She didn't hesitate in killing the men who almost took the life of the young quarian. Her name was Tali, and she proved to be both valuable for her evidence and as a squadmate.

It was increasingly shocking to find that Shepard didn't bring the two humans with her in front of the council, but himself and Wrex instead. There was something satisfying in seeing the salarian councilor shift nervously while trying to tear his gaze from the scarred krogan. Garrus was proud to be able to stand at her side and show with irrefutable evidence that he was _right_ about Saren. For the first time in a long time, Garrus felt like his work mattered, like he was making a difference. He thought about a lot of things in the morning, but he definitely didn't think he'd be demoting one of the highest-ranking turians from Spectre status. It was a boost to his wounded ego.

After Garrus had become well acquainted with the layout of the Normandy, he found himself a suitable place to work. Shepard took the elevator down to the engineering level after every mission, and made sure to speak with her entire crew. She seemed interested in speaking with Wrex about the genophage and his people (which in Garrus' opinion, was quite rare for a human). Although Wrex was particularly apathetic in most situations, he seemed to open up to Shepard – he became more animated. After they had picked up Liara from her dig site, Wrex seemed even more sociable with the Commander. Garrus couldn't blame him. Shepard was easy to trust. She didn't just listen because she had to, she listened because she _wanted to_. She was genuinely interested in every member of her crew, even going so far as to defend the other races when some of the humans became hostile or suspicious.

"Williams, this is a joint mission and you're going to have to work with aliens whether you like it or not." Garrus had overheard Shepard say to Ashley. Even though Ashley was hesitant to agree, Shepard eased her into a different conversation to lighten the mood. Shepard didn't seem to want to make people uncomfortable but she was clear on where she stood with the other races. Garrus felt a bit touched at the thought of Shepard defending him. He knew someone like Wrex could easily defend himself, but Ashley was a soldier with a gun and Garrus knew she could use it. As long as Shepard was with them to overlook the entire squad, Garrus felt like he had someone watching his back.

He admired the Commander greatly, but that admiration also came with a lot of self-doubt on his part. He spoke of his father on several occasions, and always talked about the difficulties of working at C-Sec.

"Without C-Sec headquarters looking over my shoulder, well, maybe I can get the job done my way for a change." Garrus had said one day. He had meant it partly joking, but Shepard knew how frustrated he had been with his office job. She knew he meant it.

"We get the job done right, not fast. Got it?" she had replied and he didn't know what to say. Shepard had complete control over her emotions. He was starting to get used to the wide range of expressions that humans had. Shepard was particularly challenging because she had the most stoic default expression. When she didn't want to reveal how she felt, she would shut her expression down in seconds. Garrus was trying to catch them when the opportunity arose.

"I wasn't trying to…" he trailed off, not wanting to make himself look more like a fool than he already had. His mandibles twitched – an indication of just how nervous she made him. She had done this before. She would say things so brutally honest that he'd be reeling for what to say next. "I understand, Commander."

She watched him for a moment, and he expected her to walk away. He expected that his insubordination would make her end the conversation but she stayed put.

"Garrus, I trust you."

"I'm sorry, Shepard I…" he was about to excuse his words but he stopped short. "What?"

"I know this isn't easy. I know C-Sec made things difficult and I know you're just trying to do the right thing. But for this to work, I need you to trust me that we will get the job done properly."

Garrus was so taken aback that it took him a moment to reply. "I know, Shepard." He sighed. "You're in command here so I trust you to make the tough decisions. I just wish it was simple."

Shepard couldn't help but smile. He noted that her smile was different than usual – her eyebrows were at a different angle. She looked sadder than her previous displays of happiness.

"There are always exceptions, Garrus. Always."


	2. I Trust You

**AUTHOR NOTE: **I don't see Garrus as a particularly angry character; I think he's more frustrated than anything. There's nothing worse than watching everything you've done go to waste! Dr. Saleon was a particularly troubling part in the game for me, because you're stuck between wanting to get the job done and wanting to do the right thing for Garrus' sake.

Most of the story has taken Garrus' POV but it'll be shifting back and forth at some points! Let me know if the transitions are smooth enough. This story is turning into a lot of short quips/quests that I think are particularly important in developing their relationship. There are slight variations in story at this point, of course. The most notable is the fact that choosing the Paragon route on Virmire to save Wrex results in Shepard _not seeing_ Ashley about to kill Wrex. I changed it so that she did.

* * *

When Garrus gave Shepard the coordinates to Dr. Saleon's location, he wasn't expecting her to do anything. He suspected she asked out of politeness (some sort of human thing), but she took it upon herself to direct the Normandy to the Kepler Verge and board the MSV Fedele. He had heard some of the other ship members complain about if it was really necessary to do the mission, but she just shook her head.

"If we can't even put in the effort to catch one bad guy on the run, what's the point in even calling ourselves the good guys?" Shepard said. She was in the midst of organizing weapons amongst the other squad members. "This mission isn't just for kicks, it's a _priority_."

By this point, Garrus had grown a strong sense of pride for his work with the Normandy crew. If Shepard hadn't pried the black market story out of him, he would have never gotten the opportunity to track Dr. Saleon down.

Shepard had brought Garrus and Wrex along for the mission. When they got into the ship, Garrus wasn't surprised to find Saleon's test subjects running around like mindless corpses. It disgusted him, but he felt like he was able to atone somewhat for letting Saleon get away all those years ago. Although he had told Shepard he blamed C-Sec for Saleon escaping, he felt responsible because it had been his investigation.

When they got to one of the back rooms in the ship, Dr. Saleon thanked them for killing his test subjects.

"Thank you for getting rid of those…_things._" He said, wringing his hands together. Garrus almost shot him in his place. He dared to take advantage of innocent civilians, yet he didn't even feel remorseful.

Shepard glanced to Garrus. "Is this him?" she asked, and Garrus could feel his mandibles twitch.

"That's Dr. Saleon." He replied, and Dr. Saleon looked between all three crew members quickly.

"What? No! My name is Dr. Heart!" the salarian said, sounding more desperate by the minute.

Garrus stepped forward once, making sure not to overstep his commanding officer. "I'd harvest your organs first," Garrus growled. "But we don't have the time."

"H-he's crazy! Don't let him do this to me!" the salarian backed up.

Shepard put a hand on her hip. "We'll take him in. Drop him off with the military."

Garrus' snapped his gaze to Shepard quickly. "But we _have_ him! I can't let him get away – not again." He wanted this. He wanted to end it _now_.

"Garrus, think." Shepard was looking at him now, her eyes on him, unwavering. "If we kill him now, we'll never know what he's been doing all these years. We bring him in, he gets charged with his crimes and he can serve his time."

He processed this before realizing how reasonable she was being. Despite knowing Dr. Saleon's past crimes, she was willing to wait and see him justly punished. Without her being next to him, Garrus knew things would have ended up differently.

Remembering the salarian in front of him, Garrus turned to look at the doctor. "You're a very lucky salarian. You owe the commander your life."

The salarian smiled, taking a step back. "Oh _thank _you _so very much._" He said before turning around, trying to make an escape.

Garrus had barely had time to take out his gun before Shepard shot Saleon dead. Shepard sighed as Saleon fell to the ground, holstering her gun.

"And so he dies anyway?" Garrus' mandibles twitched, as he watched Shepard hop down the stairs to search the surrounding lockers. "What was the point of that?"

Wrex had walked over to Saleon's body to examine it while Shepard turned to look at Garrus. "Garrus, you can't stop how people will act – but you can change the way you _respond_. That's the important thing."

"I…" Garrus didn't know what to say. Again, he was lost for words. By this time, he was quite used to Shepard rendering him speechless.

"You're a respectable person, Garrus. You're better than Saleon." Shepard looked over at Saleon, then up at Wrex who nodded once. "The crew knows you're better than this."

Garrus watched both his squad mates before letting out a short laugh. "I don't think I've ever met anyone like you, Commander."

* * *

Garrus was sure there was something happening amongst the Normandy crew. Something that was changing them, helping them bond with one another. Meals weren't marred by awkward silences. Different species were interacting with one another as if they knew each other their whole lives. He was sure it was Shepard – her leadership was palpable throughout the entire ship. She tried to listen to everyone's problems and actively tried to solve them. He never met a commander quite like her. Her dedication to her crew was admirable, and her dedication to doing the _right thing_ was even more so.

He felt much more open about speaking with her now. He knew her well enough to know what made her upset and what made her laugh. They shared a similar sense of humor. Garrus had never been very close to anyone but he never thought his closest friend would be a human. Garrus didn't remember the exact day he started, but he stopped referring to her as 'Commander' and simply called her 'Shepard'.

Shepard knew that putting her trust into Garrus would never be a mistake. After the mission on Feros, there weren't a lot of things she kept from him. He had proven his reliability through combat and his openness through discussion. She shared her insecurities about catching Saren – something she rarely voiced (she was usually the one reassuring the other crew members). When he wasn't on missions with her, she felt much more paranoid about who had her back. His absence made her nervous. Shepard knew she was becoming dependent on Garrus' words and Garrus in general.

* * *

Asteroid X57 was a mission she'd never forget. After turning off all the fusion torches and saving the scientists, Shepard got both Wrex and Garrus back into the Mako to search for the missing engineers. She hadn't been hopeful that any of them survived, and her expectation was proven right when all she found were bodies. Shepard parked the Mako on a particularly high-grounded area to search for the third body.

Shepard shielded her eyes from the glare coming from Terra Nova and the system's sun. She scanned the nearby ground for any sign of life.

"I see it." Wrex said. "I'll go take a look if there's any equipment." He slid down the hill on his heels and walked to the corpse. He was a good distance for Shepard to keep watch, but she doubted any batarians were left in the area – nor would they dare fight a krogan just for the hell of it.

Shepard glanced up at Terra Nova and sighed. She leaned on the side of the Mako and folded her arms over her chest. Garrus had been watching for any signs of movement, but he turned to look at her.

"It's been a long day." He said, putting his sniper rifle away and leaning on the Mako next to her.

"Saving millions of lives from an incoming asteroid is just a days work, if you ask me." Shepard grinned when Garrus simply shook his head. She looked back up at the view of Terra Nova. "It is something though, isn't it?"

"It's humbling to know you're just one of the millions of specs on a planet." Was his reply. She couldn't help but let out a small laugh.

"Nobody _quite _knows how to lighten the mood like you, Garrus."

They stood in silence, just admiring the planet before she spoke.

"Anything like Palaven?" she asked, and he shook his head.

"Terra Nova is quite blue. Almost everything in Palaven is silver."

"I'd like to see it someday." Shepard said, leaning her head back and resting it on the siding of the Mako. She heard Garrus shift slightly.

"At the rate we're going, I won't be surprised if we explore the entire galaxy." Garrus quipped and Shepard snorted.

Shepard stood up straight and walked a few paces to look at where Wrex had gone. He waved a new shotgun in the air, clearly excited for a new weapon. She shook her head, trying not to grin. Nothing like a happy Krogan.

"Shepard," she heard Garrus call, and she turned to look at him. He stood in front of the view of Terra Nova. The curve of the planet outlined half his silhouette. "I know you said it a long time ago but I don't think I ever said it in reply."

"Said what?"

"That I trust you." He said. She couldn't see his face because of the brightness coming off Terra Nova and the glare on his mask, but she knew the expression he was wearing.

She would never forget it. The day she realized just how important this person was to her. The day she finally knew she could call Garrus Vakarian her best friend.

* * *

If there was a time aboard the Normandy that was hard to forget, it was after the mission on Virmire.

Shepard almost lost one of her closest allies that day, and because she wasn't careful, ended up losing another. When they got back from Virmire, she didn't sleep. The thought of Ashley being left on Virmire punished her. It kept her awake. It terrified her. She tried to muster the courage to see how everyone else was doing but couldn't manage without wanting to break down in tears. Shepard knew Kaidan wanted answers. He practically attacked her in the communications room, wracked with guilt.

"Why Commander? Why her and not me?" he had pleaded, rising from his seat. Wrex stood in his seat next, glaring at Kaidan from across the room.

"Sit down, boy. Shepard doesn't have to explain herself to you." He said, and Kaidan frowned even more. Tali stayed in her seat but tried to urge the men to calm down.

"We can all agree that something terrible happened on Virmire, but we'll get nowhere if we fight about it now."

"Tali is correct." Liara added, looking at Kaidan. "The wounds are still fresh. We should all get some rest, and discuss what happened in the morning. Right, Shepard?" Liara glanced at Shepard who had her head down.

After a long pause, Shepard looked up. Her arms folded over her chest. "Dismissed."

Kaidan was hesitant in leaving, but was persuaded by Liara. She led him out of the room, followed by Wrex who nodded to Shepard before departing. Tali walked over to Shepard, putting a hand on her arm.

"Come talk to me in engineering if you need to, okay?" she asked and Shepard gave her a small nod, trying her best to smile.

Everyone was gone.

Everyone except Garrus.

He had waited patiently in his chair, watching the distress that had overcome his squad. He didn't stand to defend her, but he didn't say anything to insult her.

Shepard stayed in her place, staring at her feet. If he didn't know about what had transpired on the mission, he'd think she was fascinated with the floor. He had been there, and he had watched her make the two most difficult decisions to date.

Garrus stood and walked over to her. "Shepard." He said, standing in front of her. She looked up at him when his feet came into view.

"She almost killed Wrex, Garrus." She said.

"What?" he asked, and her eyes were on him. Her gaze was desperate – horrified.

"When Wrex found out about Saren's experiments on the Krogan. When I talked to him on the beach, I saw Ashley readying her gun." She said, her voice unwavering but her posture was defeated. "Garrus she was going to kill Wrex. I had convinced him to stand down because we helped him get his family armor back and he _trusts _me, but Garrus…" Shepard hugged her arms to herself. "I can't imagine Wrex being shot in the back by one of my _own_ squad members. I can't imagine the betrayal he'd feel if she had _gotten_ that chance."

Shepard quickly put her hands behind her, to steady her weight on the railing of the communications desk. "If anyone finds out she was planning on shooting Wrex, that changes _everything._"

Garrus held her arms steady, looking at her. "Shepard, what do you mean 'it changes everything'? You gave the right order."

"I know I did. I promise you, I was in complete control over my own emotions when I gave that order. In that moment, I was the Commander. When Ashley was about to shoot Wrex, I was just Shepard trying to save a friend's life." Garrus knew she was trying to convince him she was telling the truth – but he already believed her. The only person that needed convincing was herself.

"What if the others hear it? What if they think I gave the orders against Ashley's life _because_ she almost killed Wrex? What if they think I was trying to punish her?"

"There is no way we could have known that we'd be leaving someone to die. You know that." Garrus said. "I watched you talk a Krogan out of his own death. I watched you make the call for a sacrifice you had to make. We all knew the risk when we signed up for Virmire, Wrex and Ashley both included."

Shepard was looking at him now. There was something in her eyes that surprised him. She was soaking in his words because she was _scared_. She_ believed_ him.

"I am certain you aren't the only one who saw Ashley ready her gun against Wrex. Kaidan may not have noticed, but Liara or Tali may tell you otherwise." Garrus said. He looked at her for a moment longer before looking down. "I should've been closer to you when you had to talk to him. If I had known –"

"That's impossible." Shepard shook her head. "You can't predict that kind of thing and you know it."

"And so do _you,_ Shepard." Garrus urged her to see what she was saying to him. "You may think it looks as if you killed Ashley as punishment, but to everyone else, you saved Wrex." Garrus looked into her eyes. "Ashley would have died no matter what. Do you understand?"

Shepard let out a quiet sob before nodding her head vigorously. He held her shoulders as she reigned in her feelings. Shepard stood strong. Without Garrus there to help her through her guilt, she would have wept.

* * *

**AUTHOR NOTE: **I'd love to hear feedback on how accurately I'm portraying the characters! Giving an impression of characters who only get one to two lines is a bit difficult at times.

Also you'll notice that there's limited touching in this. The only time I mention it is towards the end, and even that is pretty scarce (moreso used for support than intimacy). They're best friends at this point! Anything else will come later (:

Thanks for reading! I'm hoping I'll be able to crunch out a few more chapters soon.


	3. Seeing is Believing

**AUTHOR NOT****E: **So I decided to go on fanfiction mobile and searched up my story to find out there are many other mass effect stories called "Meet in the Middle"! I had no idea, so I decided to change it. I might also be changing my pen name, as my entire fanfiction profile really needs a revamp lmao. Squidward Tortellini just doesn't have a nice ring to it.

This will probably be the last part of story for Mass Effect 1, and then the transition to Mass Effect 2 will start! I don't think I've ever felt so passionately about a video game in my life (or anything for that matter)

* * *

Although she had ruled out any chance for Saren to redeem himself, it still surprised her to see him shoot himself in the head. Shepard had wanted to talk things over with him – she wanted him to help her defeat the real enemy. But some things were just too powerful to overcome.

She watched as Saren dropped from his board, and fell through the glass in the heart of the Presidium tower. It was somehow odd to see the rogue Spectre land mere meters from where the Council usually stood to cast judgment on the galaxy. Shepard couldn't hate Saren for what he had done because she felt as if his decisions weren't his own. The only time he had ever been able to regain some sense of himself was when he truly realized the consequences of Sovereign taking over, and chose a bullet instead. He wanted a proper end.

Sovereign wouldn't allow it. The Reaper was cruel. Not only was Saren's dignity lost from falling victim to the indoctrination, Sovereign made sure his body was properly disposed of. Shepard was forced to fight the rogue (_dead_) Spectre's mutilated and manipulated body through Sovereign's control. When the battle was over, any trace of Saren was turned to ash. Shepard couldn't lie to herself – it was horrifying. She wouldn't let her emotions reveal themselves in the middle of the mission, but she could feel Garrus looking at her.

He always looked at her, ever since she broke down after Virmire. It was stupid. What she had _done_ was stupid. She let one of her squad mates see a moment of weakness. Not only that, but it was her closest squad mate – her partner at her six. The last thing she wanted was for him to feel unsure of himself because she lacked the proper discipline to keep it together. Although they were friends, she was still the Commander. They were close, but their friendship was missing a significant element: time. They had been through trials and tribulations but how long had they actually spent together? She had only known Garrus for the duration of their investigation against Saren. The constant battles and impending doom within their situation probably made her more susceptible to letting at least _somebody_ in - someone to trust and to talk to on the worst days. She had to believe she made the right choice. Otherwise, the façade she had built as 'Commander Shepard' would be worthless. Everyone would find out just how vulnerable Akuze had made her, and she would lose everything because a turian was able to get under her skin. Shepard wouldn't allow herself to ridicule her own judgment when Garrus hadn't betrayed her to begin with.

So she did her job. Shepard's orders were to save the Destiny Ascension and destroy Sovereign. Lives were going to be lost, but she knew it was the right call – especially after Sovereign was destroyed and the aftermath began. Shepard was happy to hear of the Reaper's body being ripped apart by the Alliance fleet.

But she didn't expect one of Sovereign's limbs to come crashing through the tower's window.

* * *

When she had first glanced at Saren's body, she had told Garrus to make sure he was dead. Garrus didn't know what he'd feel when he finally got the chance to shoot the rogue Spectre, but he didn't expect to feel nothing.

Well, perhaps he felt a bit disappointed. He also noticed a bit of guilt welling in the pit of his stomach when he felt the silence drag on between the sound of his pistol going off, and the splattering of blue blood on the rocks beneath Saren's head. Liara confirming Saren's death broke his concentration on the dead turian.

"He's dead." She said, her words directed at Shepard but affecting Garrus all the same.

The day Saren died was the day Garrus woke up. It was the day he looked down at another member of his species and saw how real the threat was. He saw, with clarity, the reason for Saren's demise was the same as the path that Garrus had been trying to follow.

Death.

Saren had been afraid of it - tried to find a way out. Garrus had used it against his enemies in hopes that it would bring peace of mind. But Shepard had taught him something different. Death was a gateway to freedom. It wasn't punishment. Shepard had insisted on keeping Saleon alive because she wanted the doctor to suffer by living with the consequences. Death was easy in comparison to living. Death was a moment of pain but living was days and weeks and months and years of it. Endless.

Garrus had never felt so sure of it. Of course, Garrus thanked the Spirits that he woke up every morning - alive and healthy. Life was valued by Shepard both as a celebration and a punishment. He felt the same disgust that Shepard did when Sovereign took over Saren's body to destroy them. His feelings were in unison with hers when they watched Saren's remains burn out and turn to ash. For the first time since meeting her, Garrus understood Shepard completely. Their friendship had spanned several months of hunting down bad guys and trying to save the galaxy, but it was something about those final moments in the Presidium tower that made him realize just how much he had connected with her.

He didn't have much time to think when Sovereign's parts started flying in the side of the tower. He had taken shelter under a piece of rubble, Wrex alongside him. When Anderson finally dug them out of the remains in the tower, Garrus had no words. Was Shepard really gone? Had he really been so dense as to only understand her in her final moments? No. She couldn't have. Because he believed in her.

That's why she emerged from Sovereign's remains with a smile on her face. That's why when she stepped down from her shining moment of survival and prepared to face the aftermath of the attack, she punched Garrus playfully in the arm and said with utter certainty.

"We did it, partner."

* * *

She knew she had to let go at some point. Shepard's job as his Commander would be over when they finally caught Saren. There was something especially sad about it – about him in particular. Other members of her team wanted to stay, but she knew Garrus had other goals.

"So," Garrus said, leaning on the balcony in Udina's office. It had been a week since the attack on the Citadel. Reparations were in full swing, and Anderson had asked the Normandy crew for assistance – not that they would have declined. "Now that we've recaptured the Citadel, destroyed Udina's ego, and made you a hero, what's next?" he asked, turning to look at Shepard.

Her arms were folded over her chest as she sat on the edge of the balcony. She shook her head, smiling at him. "We could always knock on the Reaper's door you know."

"Of course, that's a great idea – figured you'd need a vacation."

"I've always been the leisurely type."

They relaxed in silence for a few minutes. Garrus watched an asari attempting to pull debris out from the lake, quickly being aided by two turians as she pulled it to shore.

"I think I'll go back to C-Sec." Garrus said, and he heard Shepard shift to look at him. "This place is a mess. I think they could use my help, and you need to be up there."

"You're sure it's what you want, Garrus?" she asked, and he nodded. His mandibles twitched, and he smiled.

"You taught me a different perspective on justice – what it really means. The time I spent on the Normandy was unlike anything else."

"You're always welcome back." She said, and he looked at her. "You know my email, I'd be glad to have you on my six anytime."

"Shepard, you know I'm not very good at checking my email"

"Surprise me, then."

"If I show up on your six unannounced, promise me you won't shoot me."

"Won't make a promise I can't keep."

"I'll email you."


	4. No Light, No Light

**AUTHOR NOTE: **This is the bridge between Mass Effect 1 and 2. I didn't realize how short the time gap was in between the games, but this was nice to write. I use emails for school all the time, and I always found them too informal;;

Chapter title is from the song "No Light, No Light" by Florence + the Machine. I recently found out I actually owned her CD "Ceremonials" so I gave it a listen and I'm in love. Check out the album!

* * *

**To:** Garrus Vakarian, Citadel Security

Sent at** 1:03am,**Year 2183

Exploring the Terminus Systems isn't as fun as you'd expect. Even though all we do is fight geth day in day out, I still haven't figured out how to disable a Destroyer before it starts running at us like it's on fire.

Sent via Private Terminal of Commander Shepard, _Alliance Navy_

**To:** Commander Shepard, Alliance Navy

Sent at **1:16am**, Year 2183

Shepard I thought after spending so much time with an expert like me, you'd learn how to use your sniper rifle properly. Luckily, Liara should know how to stop them using biotics.

Sent via Private Terminal of Garrus Vakarian, _Citadel Security_

**To:** Garrus Vakarian, Citadel Security

Sent at **1:29am**, Year 2183

May I remind you that a certain turian only got extra time for target practice whilst he was part of the Normandy crew, taking down a rogue Spectre. Without it, I think he would still be, in his words, "saddled in red tape". Ring any bells? How's C-Sec by the way?

Sent via Private Terminal of Commander Shepard, _Alliance Navy_

**To:** Commander Shepard, Alliance Navy

Sent at **1:34am, **Year 2183

I'm sensing some hostility.

Sent via Private Terminal of Garrus Vakarian, _Citadel Security_

**To:** Commander Shepard, Alliance Navy

Sent at **1:35am, **Year 2183

And since you asked, C-Sec is a mess. I'm managing somehow, but I miss the Normandy. What are you doing up at this hour?

Sent via Private Terminal of Garrus Vakarian, _Citadel Security_

**To:** Garrus Vakarian, Citadel Security

Sent at **1:40am**, Year 2183

Can't sleep. I'm keeping my eyes open for geth, since we just started on the Omega Nebula. You know I wasn't serious about C-Sec, right? I really am sorry to hear you're having a tough time.

Sent via Private Terminal of Commander Shepard, _Alliance Navy_

**To:** Commander Shepard, Alliance Navy

Sent at **1:49am, **Year 2183

Once you finish this round, make sure to get some shuteye. Don't wear yourself out. And I know, Shepard. Thanks.

Sent via Private Terminal of Garrus Vakarian, _Citadel Security_

**To:** Garrus Vakarian, Citadel Security

Sent at** 1:58am,**Year 2183

We'll probably be going back to the Citadel after this mission, if you want to meet up just let me know. Either for a break or to join the team, I'd like to see you.

We just got into the Amada System now, so I'll talk to you later Garrus.

Sent via Private Terminal of Commander Shepard, _Alliance Navy_

**To: **Garrus Vakarian, Citadel Security

Sent at **5:05am**, Year 2183

**SYSTEMS ALLIANCE OFFICIAL STATEMENT**

ADDRESSED TO: GARRUS VAKARIAN

_This message is being sent to all members and former members that the Systems Alliance recognizes as/has been part of the SSV Normandy. _

The Systems Alliance is sending this message to inform you of the destruction of the Alliance starship and prototype frigate _SSV Normandy_.

At approximately **2:12am**, the _SSV Normandy_ was pursued and attacked by an unidentified assailant.

Escape pods have been recovered and survivors are being treated.

**We regret to inform you that the commanding officer of the **_**SSV Normandy**_**, Commander Shepard, has been killed in action. **

Efforts are being made to recover her body last seen in the Amada System of the Omega Nebula.

Details of the memorial service will be emailed to you later in the day.

Accommodations will be made if you have any questions, but please be aware that this attack is still under investigation and not all information can be provided to you at this time.

Regards,

Systems Alliance Office


	5. Sleeping in her Coffin

**AUTHOR NOTE: **These parts are skipping over a loooot that happens in the beginning, but since this is a fic between Garrus and femshep, I cut a lot of unnecessary stuff out. I wanted to focus on a Paragon Shepard, but some of her dialogue is significantly different than in the game because her reactions don't seem very natural to me (in some scenes in particular lol). I'm not giving Shepard a name, because it's weird to me, but this Shepard is a Spacer, Sole Survivor, and an ex-Infiltrator.

Plot will be moving along in the next few chapters...this is the hard stuff.

* * *

If Shepard could name her "Top 5 Worst Wakeup Calls", being woken from the dead would be number one.

The previous number one spot had been held by an event that transpired when she was 22 years old. She had grown up with her spacer parents, moving from station to station. Her parents eventually divorced when she was a teenager, but stayed on good terms.

One morning (more specifically about 3am), her mother had sent an urgent notification through Shepard's personal terminal. Shepard had never heard her mother so torn up in all her life, but her suspicions were confirmed: her father had sacrificed himself for a mission. He was awarded medals upon medals at his funeral, which was great, but no amount of certification could ever bring her father back.

Shepard knew what was expected of her when she enlisted in the military. She was following in the footsteps of her parents and fulfilling her own dreams of travel. Being a soldier wasn't a vacation, and Shepard had prepared herself for the worst outcomes. That included death.

But somehow just as she was settling aboard the Normandy, it had been decided that she would die. There were close encounters all the time, so she had maintained her 'Commander cool' around the crew even as the ship burned. It was when she hit the button to seal Joker's escape pod that she started to realize.

'I think I'm going to die'

It wasn't particularly scary. She kind of liked the prospect of dying on her ship instead of a bullet wound from a batarian. As she watched the Normandy explode, she noticed it was hard to breathe. Even amidst her lungs panicking and her body acting on instinct to survive, Shepard knew that it was the end.

And then someone took her death away from her.

Waking up on an operating table with a sore jaw and weak muscles wasn't fun. Although confused, Shepard was grateful someone was helping her through the maze of a facility she found herself in. It certainly wasn't beautiful enough to be heaven, and it wasn't nearly difficult enough to be hell (though in retrospect it didn't matter since travelling across the Milky Way made Shepard an atheist).

The first non-synthetic she came into physical contact with was a soldier named Jacob. He seemed shocked that she was awake and walking, let alone pointing and shooting her gun. Shepard had always been full of surprises.

"Long story short, the Alliance declared you dead." He explained to her as they ducked from enemy fire. "The Lazarus Project brought you back."

"If my team knew I was alive, they'd come find me." Was her reply. She didn't trust people who cheated her out of her own death. Jacob insisted on aiding her with his biotics, but Shepard found out about her apparent skill changes when she slammed a mech into the wall. Since when was she an adept?

"What the hell." Shepard was staring down at her hands while Jacob shot the last mech. He glanced over at her as he holstered his pistol.

"Implants." He said.

"Are there any other _modifications _the Lazarus Project put into me that I should know about?" Shepard asked bitterly. Who the hell did this sort of thing? They went into her dead body and put in new equipment like she was a tool that needed to be upgraded. She was thankful she stayed asleep for the majority of her recovery knowing they implanted her. Shepard wasn't afraid of needles, but she didn't particularly enjoy strangers poking around at her insides and then _adding things into her_. She felt like she had been pulled out and something else was stuffed into her. This wasn't her body anymore.

"Not that I know of, Commander." Jacob looked hesitant, but he continued. "Do you have any questions before we get off this station?"

"Where's my crew?" she asked, and his expression became more defensive.

"When you died, people moved on. I can't answer for anyone in specific, but I'm sure the Illusive Man knows where most of your crew members went."

"I woke up at one point and saw a woman ordering to give me another dose of medicine. I think she was the one who helped me through the facility, but we lost contact." Shepard explained, and Jacob nodded once.

"That's Miranda – she's the director of the Lazarus Project." Jacob looked down. "I hope she's okay."

Shepard didn't know how to feel about all the strangers she was meeting, but she decided she would trust Jacob. He was about the only one who was accommodating to 'the woman who just woke up from the dead'. If Shepard wanted to get to know Wilson, her attempts were cut short when Miranda shot him in the throat. Shepard wasn't familiar enough to decide who betrayed whom, but she was stuck with the two people who survived, and that was enough for now.

Although Miranda had played her part as Ice Queen on the station, she seemed genuinely concerned with Shepard's health.

"We should run some tests while we wait." She said, turning on her omni-tool and scrolling through some files.

"Miranda you don't have to do that." Jacob said, but Miranda's gaze remained firm.

"It's been two years, Jacob. Some of her memories may not be intact. We need to test –"

"Did you just say _two years_?" Shepard interrupted her and both of them looked at Shepard. Jacob seemed more hesitant to speak than Miranda. "I've been gone for that long?"

There was a long silence before Shepard felt her stomach do something funny. Miranda and Jacob's voices tuned out and her ears started ringing. She felt herself lean forward and heave. It didn't do much good. She thought she might be sick on the shuttle, but whatever they had been feeding her was long gone from her stomach so all she did was make a horrible retching noise.

"Shepard, you need to calm down." Shepard heard Miranda speaking. She moved to touch the Commander, but was cut off. Shepard shook her head, keeping her elbows on her knees to steady herself as she regained her composure.

"I'm fine. Just give me a minute." Shepard insisted. Her panic was rising but she fought it down. She wanted to ask so many questions about the Normandy, about her crew, about the _two years spent dead _but she had to hold it in. When she felt ready, she lifted her head and looked at Miranda.

"It's understandable to be in shock, I'm sure using your implants for the first time doesn't help to ease anything."

"Who gave the order to give me implants?" Shepard asked, and Jacob and Miranda looked at each other, then back to her.

"The Illusive Man did, Commander." Miranda said. "Everything else is the same, but we gave you the newest biotic implant because –"

"I don't care why he thought it was a good idea, the _Illusive Man_ shouldn't have done it." Shepard snapped. All her hard work as an infiltrator was gone. She used to be a great tech with an incredible headshot count but now her muscles couldn't even hold a pistol. How did the Lazarus Project plan to bring Commander Shepard back if they decided to change who she was?

* * *

Upon speaking with the Illusive Man, Shepard realized just how much control he had over Miranda and Jacob. Shepard was expecting a pro-human to be in charge of Cerberus, and his long speeches about humanity made her want to roll her eyes. He believed the story about the Reapers, but refused to see that it affected the entire galaxy. Narrow minded and powerful were two things that should never go together.

Shepard took her first mission in the first hours she was alive again. Freedoms Progress wasn't exactly the most exciting place to be when you wake up from the dead but it was a start. Although she was bitter about it, she practiced using her biotics to take down mechs. It was encouraging to know she could still fight, albeit being a bit more sore than usual. She also took pride in the fact that she could still bypass locked doors. Just as she was about to celebrate, the door opened and three quarians were pointing their guns at her.

"Stop right there! Cerberus!" one of them hissed. Shepard wanted to agree, but she kept her mouth shut and put her pistol up in defense.

"Prazza, you said you'd let me handle this." A familiar quarian said, walking around the three men. She turned to look at Shepard and stopped. "Wait, Shepard?" she asked.

"Tali." Shepard replied, putting her pistol down instantly.

"Put those weapons down!" Tali ordered the other quarians, then turned to Shepard again. "Shepard…" Tali spoke again, her voice tentative. "Is that…you're alive?"

"Surprisingly." Shepard scoffed. "Sorry I didn't tell you, I just woke up." She holstered her gun. "What are you doing here?"

"One of our people, Veetor, came her on Pilgrimage and we're trying to find him." Tali explained.

"Are you just going to trust Cerberus, Tali?" Prazza snapped, and Tali shot a look at him.

"No, I'm trusting Shepard. If you can't follow my orders, go wait on the ship." She said bitterly, then turned back to Shepard.

"We're investigating the disappearing colonists, but we'll help you find Veetor." Shepard offered, and Miranda nodded.

"He may have information on what happened here." Miranda added, putting a hand on her hip.

"Right. Let's work together, then." Tali said. They changed their communicators to be on the same frequency, and then Shepard turned to leave.

"Shepard," Tali said, as Miranda and Jacob stepped outside. "I'm glad to see you alive, but please don't die again."

Shepard nodded once. "See you on the far side."


	6. I Plan to Collect

He lined up his dead friends today.

Ten in a row.

Two of them had survived long enough to tell him what happened. They died soon after.

Betrayed.

One was Sidonis. He was missing.

One was Garrus. He was going to find him.


	7. Breathing Underwater

**AUTHOR NOTE: **Time skipping is so time consuming haha.

Happy Valentine's Day!

* * *

"I had a good team." Shepard said, folding her arms over her chest. She had let Veetor go back to the Flotilla with Tali. She wanted Tali to join her team, but understood when she told Shepard of her mission.

"Shepard, it's been two years. Many of your teammates moved on." Was the Illusive Man's reply, putting his cigarette to his lips. Clearly he knew what Tali's response had been.

"Where's Garrus Vakarian?" she asked, knowing he was the last person she spoke to before the Normandy went down.

"The turian disappeared after you were declared dead. Even I haven't been able to locate him."

A sickening feeling pooled in her stomach again. _Garrus._ She felt so guilty. She left her best friend to grieve, and now she was back? He could be anywhere, and he thought she was dead.

The Illusive Man was waiting patiently for her to process the information. She looked up and continued asking the whereabouts of her other teammates. He made it clear that they weren't available, so she gave up trying.

"You should first try to find Mordin Solus, a salarian doctor on Omega. He will be a great help to you and your team."

* * *

Shepard had never been to Omega before. When the Normandy docked, she quickly figured out that she hadn't been missing much. The stench was that of an overcrowded downtown area. Smog filled the atmosphere and the people were dirty. She had sifted through the dossiers the Illusive Man had provided and found out that there were three recruitments for Omega. Mordin, the Professor, Zaeed the veteran, and a mercenary commander named Archangel.

Being on Omega during the plague breakout wasn't exactly comfortable, especially since all the other species blamed the humans for the infection. The poor were on their hands and knees, and the sick were on their backs. Zaeed had been conveniently located near the Normandy's docking station so she added him to her crew quickly. Shepard then decided (begrudgingly) that following the Illusive Man's suggestion and recruiting Mordin would be the best course of action.

The Queen of Omega, Aria T'Loak, provided Shepard with the information she needed on both Mordin and Archangel. Before going to Omega, Shepard had stopped at the Citadel to speak with Anderson and to recruit the thief. Bringing Zaeed and the new playful thief Kasumi into the plague zone seemed like an optimal choice. Jacob needed to work in the armory and she wanted to give Miranda some space to organize the new recruitment files for the Illusive Man.

Shepard had become quite comfortable with her new biotic abilities, and enjoyed fighting alongside both Zaeed and Kasumi because they weren't _exactly _Cerberus. Both were working for the money, so she felt much more at ease with talking to them about her hesitance in trusting the organization. They provided good banter while taking down Blue Suns and Blood Pack mercs, and she found herself enjoying being back on the battlefield.

Shepard was more than relieved when Mordin told them of his plague cure, and she told him she would distribute it herself. Knowing the plague was going to be cured was a weight off her shoulders, and Mordin earned extra bonus points for providing her with a new heavy pistol.

* * *

"It's pretty impressive that Archangel's stayed alive this long." Miranda said, after watching Shepard sabotage the gunship's mechanic.

"It's our job to keep it that way." Was Shepard's reply. She shot a freelancer in the back and warped another one.

"She's with Archangel!" several mercs called out, and Shepard started running. A merc followed closely behind her as she tried to duck into cover. She hid behind a crate, which gave her a good view of Archangel's perch at the top of his building. She saw him steady his sniper rifle, and heard the quick zip of a bullet nearby. Turning to look around the crate, she saw the freshly killed body of the freelancer who had been chasing her.

"On me!" Shepard called to Miranda and Zaeed as they made their way across the bridge and up into Archangel's hideout. Before walking up the stairs, something familiar caught her eyes. A body.

Several, actually. Ten bodies were lined in a row, covered by brown body bags and sealed to cover the stench of decay. His teammates? She glanced at the upper floor where Archangel was holding his sniper rifle, watching her. She hopped up the stairs two at a time, and went into the room with Archangel's perch.

She put down her pistol and instructed her team members to do the same. "Archangel?" she asked, and he glanced at her before taking an expert shot at a freelancer still below.

Keeping himself balanced, he put his weight on his knee and slowly lifted himself. He was tired. Shepard didn't blame him; he had been fighting three different mercenary groups for, well, too long. Any human would have succumbed to sleep or insanity by now, but he was a turian. He was built to be military and strong and steady. There was something so terribly familiar about him, but this turian was taller and bulkier. He took a few steps closer to her team after taking off his helmet and sitting down, putting one of his legs up.

Garrus.

_Garrus._

"Shepard," he said, nodding once, and looking up at her. "I thought you were dead."

"Garrus!" She said, her arms spread open, fighting the urge to be near him, to touch him to make sure he was _real_ and he was _alive. _She had to play her cards right. "What are you doing here?"

He watched her, and she felt it. She felt him assessing the situation in front of him. He looked down. "Just keeping my skills sharp," he said, touching the sniper rifle next to him. "A little target practice."

Shepard could hear his voice wavering. How long had he been at it? "You okay?" she asked, taking a step forward. She forgot about the team behind her, all she could see was Garrus.

"I've been better, but it sure is good to see a friendly face." He admitted, glancing up at her and giving her a turian smile. She smiled in return.

"Since when did you start going by 'Archangel'?" she joked and he blinked in surprise before lowering his head sheepishly.

"A name the locals gave me. For all my _good deeds_." He cleared his throat. "I don't mind it but please, its just Garrus to you."

Shepard remembered her last conversation with him before the Normandy was attacked. "What are you doing here on Omega?" she asked. His eyes became hard and his mandibles twitched in agitation.

"I got fed up with all the bureaucratic crap on the Citadel." He said, his voice husky. "Figured I could do more good on my own. At least it's not hard to find criminals here, all I have to do is point my gun and shoot."

This was Garrus, but he was tougher now. Darker. She knew his work on Omega changed him drastically, and she wanted to know why.

Fighting through all three mercenary groups wasn't easy, but Shepard felt stronger. Every time Garrus spoke to her through their comm channel, there was a rush of power. A biotic wave. She slammed into her enemies and threw them across the room. She was going to make it out alive, and so was he. She wouldn't separate from her partner in crime ever again.

The gunship wasn't completely disarmed. Shepard should have been there to take it down. Had she been a few minutes early, she wouldn't be panicking like this. Garrus had been shot by a missile, and he wasn't responding.

"Garrus!" she called to him after the gunship had been taken down. She ran to his side and sat on her knees, touching his shoulder.

* * *

_Two years._

"Garrus!" he heard her calling him, but he couldn't respond. It was muffled, like he was underwater. His face, oh, his _face was on fire_ and no one was putting it out. Why wasn't she putting it out?

Garrus felt her hand on his arm and she squeezed it, trying to bring him back.

"Garrus." She said, it was quiet. Just for him.

_Shepard._

He felt himself being pulled back, the pressure around him was changing, and everything was ringing. She had saved him from drowning.

and he breathed.


	8. Black and White and Red All Over

**AUTHOR NOTE: **one huuuuge scene haha... *sweats nervously*

* * *

Upon waking up, Garrus could only squint at the harsh light above him. He didn't remember being transported away from the impressively large pool of his own blood.

"Ah, you're finally awake." A pleasant voice called. He heard their footsteps approaching him, and saw Dr. Chakwas' smile as she leaned over and blocked out the harsh lights above him.

"Where..." Garrus mumbled. He felt drowsy, and half his face was numb.

"You're aboard the Normandy in the medbay." She replied, walking around him and examining his condition. Several other crew members busied about, cleaning the medical station. They all left one by one.

Garrus was trying to connect the dots. The last place he was in was his hideout on Omega. Who brought him onto the Normandy?

"Shep.." He managed to mumble. The numbness in his face wouldn't allow proper words, so his mouth fumbled and he growled in frustration. Garrus was gaining a sense of his surroundings and the cloudiness in his head was clearing up. Even though his mandibles still felt like they were glued to his face.

"I told the Commander to get some rest. She had been watching over you diligently since you came aboard. Never left your side." Said Dr. Chakwas.

Garrus lay still for a moment longer before trying to move his mandibles. "How long was I out?" He asked, feeling relieved when the words he was thinking actually made sense when he spoke.

"About 15 hours. I wanted you to get your rest alone but Shepard insisted she would watch over you." Garrus flinched at the mention of Shepard. For two years he thought she was dead and then she shows up smiling and sharp and alive. She watched over his lifeless body, but when he woke up she was gone? It might as well be torture.

"Why can't I feel half my face." Garrus asked, more irritated this time. He didn't like being injured and he certainly didn't like having to waste time recovering.

"Zaeed and Miranda helped Shepard carry you to the Normandy. You took a missile to the face so I did some heavy reconstruction using cybernetics. You'll have to wear a protective bandage but you should have full functionality when it's healed over."

"Bandage," he repeated the doctors words, moving his hand to reach his face.

A hand gently took hold of his wrist "Whoa there, big guy. Easy on the face." he glanced over and saw Shepard smile as she helped ease his hand back to his side.

"I didn't think you'd be asleep for long, commander." Chakwas said, Garrus noting a tone of bitterness. Shepard wasn't one to be able to sit still. She always walked around, speaking to the other crew members of the Normandy. Most of her time was spent in the cargo bay with Wrex and himself, though she would spend time in engineering with Tali and Engineer Adams too.

Garrus was confident enough to attempt a conversation with her, but he feared his numb mandibles would betray him. He didn't want to make a fool of himself in front of her, even if she was a ghost.

"Since you're so insistent on keeping an eye on him, make sure to keep up his dosage of pain killers. I'll take a quick rest in the crew's quarters." Chakwas said, sounding more like a question to the commander.

"Go ahead Chakwas, you've earned it." Shepard replied, and Garrus could hear the sound of retreating footsteps. It was silent for a moment, and Garrus hazarded a look from the ceiling to Shepard.

"You took a hard hit, Garrus." She said, stepping away from his sights. He realized she had been holding his hand from his attempts at touching his face earlier, but hadn't let go until now. She returned with a chair, sitting down on his left side. He was thankful she was sitting on his good side, so he could turn his face to look at her without putting pressure on his wounded mandible. "Figures something like this would happen. I don't even get to reunite with my partner in crime for 10 minutes before you decide it's a great time to take a missile to the face." She joked. He tried not to laugh for fear of further injuring himself, letting only a scoff escape his throat.

"Nobody would give me a mirror," Garrus said. "How bad is it?"

Shepard folded one leg over the other. "Hell Garrus, you were always ugly." She smirked. "Slap some face paint on there and nobody will even notice."

_That_ he laughed at. His mandibles involuntarily flexed as he let out a short laugh, followed by a groan. "Oh, don't make me laugh. My face is barely holding together as it is." Shepard was wincing in response to his pain, but a peal of laughter escaped her lips before she could stop it. It felt so good to see him again, to joke with him again. Even if he was medicated and wounded, he still reacted to her like he used to. He still laughed like he used to. It was the first time anything felt right.

"Sorry, big guy." She apologized; injecting (what Garrus suspected) was another dose of pain medication into his system via an IV bag. She went back to his side, and smiled. How could she explain what it felt like? How could she possibly describe how it felt to be around him again? She felt like herself.

Garrus watched her for a moment longer before speaking. "Shepard," She looked at him. "When the Normandy was destroyed…" he trailed off, trying to find the right thing to ask. Upon further reflection, Garrus realized there was nothing _to _ask. He just had to say. "We emailed minutes before, but then suddenly…you were dead, Shepard." He felt like everything he said sounded out of line. He was getting too emotional; he had to reign in his feelings. Maybe it was the new dose of medication running through his system.

"Garrus," she looked torn apart. He shouldn't have said it. He messed up. He could see what it had done to her – death, being brought back, being manipulated by Cerberus.

"I don't even know if I'm alive anymore, Garrus. Am I really still me?" She asked, and then looked down at her hands.

"You're alive, and you're Shepard." He said, and she looked up at him. He locked his gaze on her, refusing to look away. "I spent two years without you, Shepard. Believe me, I _know_ dead."

The silence stretched between them, and Garrus was about to apologize for being so rude, but Shepard leaned forward and kissed him.

Oh Spirits, Garrus hadn't even realized. He _wanted_ this.

Garrus was seriously at a disadvantage at this point. Not only was half his face numb, but he was also now _full _of antibiotics. He knew he would not receive a moment of clarity and suddenly realize how to kiss her back. There was also the fundamental fact that _turians didn't kiss_. But Shepard had moved her lips to kiss the better half of his face and he had subconsciously held her forearm for support as she leaned over him.

It wasn't very graceful, and Shepard mentally cursed herself for even doing it in the first place. She had just acted, she didn't think about the aftermath of what it meant. Garrus was hurting, and she had been the reason. Kissing him wasn't an apology, or perhaps part of it was. The other part was her feelings for him. Garrus was sincere and honest and had been there from the beginning. He was genuine and his kindness overwhelmed her. When Archangel took off his helmet to reveal his identity, she felt everything at once. Every single thing she had regretted not telling Garrus was replaced with the fact that _she still had the chance_. She would never lose him again.

She was surprised when he had gently held her arms in place, tilting his head and returning her kiss. The medication had made him slightly less responsive but he opened his mouth to hers and her knees almost gave out. Maybe from shock, maybe from something else. She didn't know, but she knew one thing: Garrus was _kissing her back_. Well, he was using less mouth and more _tongue_ but there was something oddly affectionate about his grip on her arms and the purring coming from deep in his chest.

When she finally did pull away, his growling died down. He slowly began lying back, letting go of her wrists, looking dumbfounded. Perhaps kissing her best friend while he was drugged wasn't such a good idea.

"How about," she started, and he glanced at her. "You get some rest, and then we can talk later." She offered.

He nodded dumbly, "Yeah," he said, slowly letting go of her wrists and leaning his head back down.

He was fast asleep in less than a minute.

Shepard was trying to forget the tingling feeling his tongue had left on hers. It definitely _was _a good idea.


	9. I Won't Let it Break You

When Garrus woke up again, he felt much better. The wounded side of his face was only a bit sore, nothing he couldn't tune out. The better half of his face felt a little strange, particularly his tongue, but he associated it with the pain medication he had to take periodically. He didn't want to think of what else it could be, because he was in no state to think about how he had gotten _very_ casual with his commanding officer. He had no idea how long their kissing had lasted, but it was long enough to leave an impression. Actually, that was a lie; it wouldn't have taken much for Garrus to be thinking about it.

Oh Spirits, _he couldn't stop thinking about it_. He had _wanted to kiss her back. _He hadn't seen Shepard in two years and then he humiliated himself by getting emotional in front of her, like some newborn asari. He couldn't blame it on his drugged stupor, a turian should know better. Not to mention the fact that Shepard was human. The act of kissing was entirely human and entirely too intimate for 'partners in crime'. Turians didn't kiss because of their (obvious) lack of lips. They usually pressed their foreheads together, sometimes a playful lick now and again. Sometimes they nipped each other, though that was leaning towards dangerous territory he didn't want to think about, especially with Shepard. He had never considered being with a human.

_That was also a lie_. He had thought about it a few times; more than he cared to admit. What would it be like to be with Shepard? Of course they joked back on the Normandy, who hadn't? Flirting and joking banter was all part of the crew experience, it was a way to cope with the tougher missions they had to deal with. Shepard was reserved around some of the crew, most notably the other humans, but she spoke to them often. She tried her best to open up to Wrex. She had done the same with Garrus, but of course he was always willing to be open with her because they trusted each other.

When he was getting to know human body language, he noticed her movements were stiff and she didn't relax around everyone. If there was any sort of attraction between Shepard and Kaidan, it was only shown by the lieutenant. He had also noticed that Shepard didn't touch anyone – ever. They had touched once or twice, but it was formal like hand shaking. He remembered he had tried to support her after Virmire and he had held her upper arms, which seemed to help her at the time. Besides those moments, he couldn't recall her ever initiating such behavior. So why now? Is it because he was in distress? _Why did she kiss him_? She didn't have to have a reason, because she was the one in charge, and she was his commander. She could go around kissing whomever she wanted and it wasn't any of Garrus' business.

So why did he feel so uneasy about it?

"Oh, Garrus, I'm glad to see you're up." Dr. Chakwas said, and Garrus practically jumped out of his skin.

"Ah, yes," he said, clearing his throat. "I think I'm well enough to leave the med bay now."

"Shepard said once you felt well enough, you may be interested in looking at the main battery." Chakwas scrolled through a data pad as he stood up.

_Was that before or after we swapped spit?_

"Thanks, doctor." He said, stretching his arms and legs before spotting his armor in the corner of the room. Chakwas noticed him looking at his armor, so she left the med bay for him to change into his civilian clothing. He hooked his armor together, or, what was left of it. There was a fantastic looking hole on the right hand side, like a scar. He knew his face would be full of them. He didn't know if he wanted it reflected in his armor too, it might lower his defenses. Perhaps he could put an order in for something newer. And sturdier.

Just in case his feelings for Shepard were one sided, and he needed an extra barrier to shield his pride.

* * *

Shepard had retreated to her quarters when Garrus had fallen asleep. She didn't want to think about how she may or may not have just ruined her friendship with her best friend. Of course, Shepard felt far from regretful, especially when she thought about how the situation in the med bay had played out.

She had expected him to stay still, maybe politely wait for her to back off, maybe tell her she went too far. But he didn't. He had held onto her, and he had deepened the kiss. Since when did she start feeling the need to be physical with her crewmates? Okay, maybe it was only Garrus. And arguably, it had happened a long time ago. It might have been Terra Nova. It might have been a lie to say she had realized he was her best friend that day, and more like she had realized her attraction to him. Turians had always fascinated her, but she had never felt attracted to one before. Maybe it was only Garrus. It was definitely only Garrus.

And by the time she had realized it was only Garrus, he had left the Normandy.

And then she died.

Not exactly an ideal outcome.

It was when she realized their mutual trust and their reliance on each other that she realized just how important their friendship was to her. They were both so emotionally invested in each other that he had struggled with her two-year absence. When she had kissed him in the med bay, it was all those feelings _plus _the fact that she had missed him, and he missed her. She wouldn't be able to hide from it forever.

Somewhere along the way she had fallen in love with Garrus Vakarian.

But how would she tell him?

As Shepard went down to the mess hall for breakfast, she tried to bring her Commander mask back. In her own company she could relax, but for her crew she had to be the leader. It was hard to put that mask back on when the one who could see through it was looking at her. She didn't know what she was expecting when she saw him, but Garrus busied himself with eating his meal. He looked much better now. His bandage was still secured on the wounded side of his face but he seemed as composed and calm as usual. If there was a hint of discomfort on his part, Shepard didn't see it. She played along, acting as if nothing happened. He spoke of his work on the main battery as she scooped another spoonful of oatmeal into her mouth.

"I've got some ideas for upgrades," he said, taking a sip of an unidentifiable dextro-amino based drink. "Shepard," he addressed her and she glanced up at him.

"Hm?" she made a small noise and took a sip of her orange juice.

"I'd like you to choose what upgrades to put in the weapon systems." He explained, and she watched him. Garrus revealed nothing. Maybe it was a turian thing. "Come to the main battery when you'd like to hear about them." His mandibles flickered suddenly, and he shot a glance down the table, making sure no one else saw. They didn't.

She did.

Nervousness was etched into his eyes, and he glanced down at the data pad in front of him.

"Sounds good." She replied, and saw his gaze flicker up at her face for a moment before settling back down on the data pad. Miranda continued talking about the next recruitment missions, and Shepard barely paid attention.

* * *

It wasn't Garrus' smoothest moment in history but it worked. He didn't want Shepard avoiding him, and he didn't want her to feel like he wasn't inclined to talk. He was typing in his calculations at the main battery's interface when he heard the door unlock behind him. He glanced back before noticing it was Shepard.

"Shepard," he said, finishing his typing and turning around. He saw her gaze on him, and his mandibles involuntarily twitched again. He needed to get that checked. "Need me for something?" he asked politely.

"Have you got a minute?" she asked, and he slowly turned to press a button on his console that closed the main battery's door behind her. "I want to talk about yesterday." She said, and he shifted his weight to his other foot.

"Me too." He replied, and she looked down at the floor. She changed her footing and looked back up at him.

"What I did was out of line, and I wanted to apologize for that." She said, and Garrus shook his head.

"I'm equally responsible for what happened. You don't have to apologize." He said, and she visibly relaxed. It wasn't exactly what he had been hoping for. "But, what I said." He continued, and she listened. "Even though I was high on pain meds, I meant what I said, Shepard."

"I…" Shepard looked conflicted. "Tell me what happened with you." She said changing the subject, and he nodded. She wanted all the pieces of the puzzle. She wanted to figure it out with him. He promised himself he would get back to talking about that kiss, but he was overwhelmed with the need to tell her _just how much _she had missed.

"I saw you looking at the body bags in my hideout on Omega," Garrus began pacing. "Those were my men. We all worked together, trying to clean up the area. But then, one of my allies betrayed me."

"What's his name?" she asked, and he felt a wave of reassurance. Finally someone would listen. Shepard would listen.

"Sidonis." He said, and she nodded, walking over to the pile of crates on the far side of the room and sitting down.

"He sold us out. He lied to pull me away from the rest of the team, and when I got back to the hideout they were dead and he was gone." Garrus said bitterly.

"Do you know where he went?" she asked, and he shook his head.

"I'm trying to find out, but I have nothing right now."

"Let me know when you find a lead okay? Keep me posted?" she said, and he nodded.

Was that it? Shepard stood up and walked back to him. Maybe the timing was wrong; Garrus had always been bad with timing. Dammit. He stood in front of her, unsure of what to say. How do you follow up pouring your heart out? His failures were now out in the open, and she was free to judge him for it.

She could see how much he wanted to kill Sidonis, and she could see that the Garrus she knew before felt defeated. Hopeless.

Omega changed him. In unspoken ways: how he seemed colder in front of the crew, how he checked over his shoulder more often, how he sighed as he was deep in thought. Even though she was slightly older than him, she had been gone for two years and he had continued on. He seemed like the eldest now, more mature. But he was burdened with the deaths of his teammates and Shepard could see it was weighing on him. His guilt was going to swallow him up. It was only around Shepard that he could reveal the vulnerability that came with the betrayal. She needed to help him. He wasn't a killer, and she wouldn't let Garrus destroy himself.

She reached for him and touched the side of his face that wasn't injured. Garrus closed his eyes, leaning towards her hand and sighing. Tired. He was still so tired.

"Does this count as out of line?" she murmured and he shook his head slightly.

"Let it be out of line." He said. "It's only around you, Shepard, that I start to feel like myself again."

And when she stepped back from him and they looked at each other, there was suddenly an unspoken agreement. They knew where they stood, but they didn't have to say it. It wasn't the time to say it. Garrus knew Shepard was doing something even nobler – tracking down the ghost that haunted him. And they would end it together.

* * *

**AUTHOR NOTE:** I really hope this wasn't too confusing, omg. Review to let me know how it's going so far. Sometimes you need to face your past before you can really move on, yknow? I thought it was important to address Sidonis in this chapter before Garrus and Shepard really try to pursue anything further.


	10. The Bad in Each Other

**AUTHOR NOTE: **I've got one more chapter for the Mass Effect 2 arc, and then we move onto Mass Effect 3 arc! I'm thinking this will be ~15 chapters. After this story, I may do a couple of chapter one shots, but this story's main focus will be giving Garrus and Shep an ending after ME3 Destruction. If the story seems like it's changing really fast from chapter to chapter then good, haha. I actually wasn't expecting to have this many chapters for ME1 and ME2 but yaya

* * *

Shepard felt like the only thing really rewarding were the recruitment missions. Adding people to her team helped reassure herself that she may just have a chance against the Collectors. There wasn't much time to socialize anymore, with her running around doing loyalty missions and Garrus working away at the upgrades in the main battery.

She was getting more and more irritated every time Kelly had a comment to make about one of the other crew members. Shepard usually tried to smile and nod, and then make up an excuse to leave the yeoman to her duties.

Earning the loyalty of both Miranda and Jacob had given Shepard the opportunity to become better acquainted with the two members of Cerberus. Adding a krogan to her team reminded Shepard of the days on the first Normandy. Although Grunt wasn't Wrex, the krogan respected her as his commanding officer and they started on the right foot. He had to go to Tuchanka, which Shepard added to the list after Mordin's request. She left the new biotic, Jack, to her own devices most of the time, but promised to help her destroy the Cerberus facility.

Then there was Garrus. He sat patiently, waiting. Always waiting for her to come into the battery and take off her 'Commander' mask to tell him how she really felt. Always waiting for the day he would receive a message for intel about Sidonis.

He had no idea that when that day came, she would talk him out of doing the one thing he had always planned to do.

"My men," Garrus hissed into the communicator. "They deserved better."

"You gotta let it go, Garrus." She said, and his mandibles tightened against his face. He was perched far from Shepard and the newly recruited Tali. Shepard must have planned to bring someone he had known from the old Normandy to use against him. What was Shepard thinking? He thought she was going to help him kill Sidonis, not negotiate his release like some petty thief. Garrus had threatened to shoot if Sidonis moved out from her protection, but she insisted she knew what she was doing.

"He's already paying for his crimes." She told him. He snarled.

"He hasn't paid enough, he still has his life."

"Look at him, Garrus. He's not alive. There's nothing left to kill." Shepard said over the communicator.

As Sidonis explained himself, Garrus realized with horror what he had forgotten two years ago.

_Death was the gateway to freedom. It wasn't punishment._

Two years ago, Shepard wanted to make sure that Dr. Saleon was justly convicted and punished for his crimes. She didn't want him to die because that would mean his suffering would end. The same thing was happening in front of him. Garrus was about to pull the trigger that would end Sidonis' suffering. Not only that, but Dr. Saleon had been guilty in every sense. He hadn't felt remorse for his actions. Sidonis was different – he felt it every waking hour of his life, and Garrus could see it. Any turian could. Sidonis was out of hope; he had betrayed his friends and he had gotten them killed. He was just trying to get on with his life. So what did it mean if Garrus was seeking even more justice than that?

By the Spirits. Shepard was right. She had always been right. He had been so blinded by hatred and revenge that he forgot what it meant to end a life.

They let Sidonis go. Garrus watched him walk away, and he felt …nothing. Absolutely nothing. He looked at the pitiful turian who walked away from death and there was only a sense of relief, like a weight had been taken off his soul.

"I know you want to talk about this, but I don't." Garrus said, as he met Shepard at the cab. He felt like he hadn't grown up at all.

"I didn't do it for him, Garrus, I did it for you." Shepard said. He stood in front of her, looking down at his feet. "I know, Shepard. Omega makes people see the world in black and white, it makes them careless, and I almost fell for it again."

"Don't be so hard on yourself." She insisted, holding one of his arms gently. He glanced up at her and she was smiling. "You did good. Better than most."

His burden had finally been lifted, and she had been there to help him through the dark.

Garrus didn't mind seeing the world in shades of grey.

* * *

He hadn't been a big fan of Cerberus, but since they brought back Shepard, he figured he could be a little lenient. After dealing with Sidonis, he was able to focus on his work in the main battery. He was refreshed and eager to fight the Collectors when the time came. He spent time getting to know the new crew, and reuniting with the old crew. Garrus felt like he was finally back in the groove of things, and then he smacked into another wall.

The damn kiss.

He had been preoccupied with it when it happened, but when Shepard had helped him with Sidonis, he hadn't thought about it at all. Now that everyone was together on the Normandy and everyone was loyal to Shepard, they were in the final stretch.

When Garrus realized this, he couldn't stop panicking. Inwardly, of course. He maintained his composure around everyone, but when he was alone in the main battery he found himself constantly distracted by the prospect of Shepard bringing up the (temporarily dubbed) "med bay incident". Maybe it was too late to bring it up. Maybe she had forgotten about it. Oh Spirits, _maybe he had acted uninterested for too long_.

So when Shepard came to check up the finished upgrades on the battery, she sat down to talk to him as usual. She questioned him about Illos, and turian ships, and then he found himself wading into dangerous territory because she was making him _nervous_. He spoke of sparring and how it had ended up in a recon scout's quarters, and he mentally cursed himself for bringing it up because she gave him this look that he didn't quite recognize. She shook her head, smiling, and then a devious tone came over her voice.

"It sounds like you're carrying some tension, maybe I could help you get rid of it." She said, standing up. He wanted to tell her that after Sidonis, he had been feeling better than he had in a long time. But Garrus was overcome with the curiosity that his commanding officer wanted to spar.

"I didn't think you'd feel like sparring, Commander." He said, and her smile grew.

"What if we skip right to the tiebreaker?" she asked, leaning on the desk of the main battery. "We could test your reach, and my flexibility."

_Oh._

_OH. _

He was lost for words for a moment, but she gave him time to collect his thoughts.

"I didn't…" he trailed off, he could feel his mandibles tighten against his cheeks in embarrassment. So she had remembered. "Never knew you had a weakness for men with scars." He joked, surprised that she was asking him instead of someone else. Maybe she really _was _interested in him, and he had just been being paranoid. She punched his arm playfully at the joke and he grinned, still embarrassed. He could tell she was waiting for his answer, and he wouldn't let the mood be ruined this time.

"Well, why the hell not?" he said, and turned away to alleviate some of the embarrassment visible in his expression. Something else, much more curious, was running hot in his system. "There's nobody in this galaxy I respect more than you."

He turned and looked at her.

"I feel the same way." She said, and he smiled.

"If we can find a way to make it work, then…" he was looking at her now, with an unfamiliar hungriness that Shepard had never seen, but wanted to see more of it. "Yeah. Definitely." His voice had a slight huskiness and her stomach did a funny flip. His visor could probably tell her heartbeat was going insane. She tried not to think about it. She also tried not to think about the fact that she had just asked her 'semi best friend semi something more' to have sex with her. It was comforting to see that he looked just as nervous as she was, so she stepped forward and gently touched his arm.

She saw him swallow, but he didn't move his hands. "Does me being your commanding officer stop you from making a move, Vakarian?" she asked, smiling up at him. "I haven't forgotten that kiss, you know."

"I may have been high but I wasn't asleep." He said, stepping the small distance between them. "You're hard to forget." She slowly leaned up, kissed him on his cheek. Garrus' arms instinctively wrapped around her. His mandibles didn't hurt anymore, which he silently thanked the Spirits for. He leaned his forehead against hers, and she gently ran her hands to the back of his head, and on his fringe.

"Ah," he cleared his throat, closing his eyes and trying to hold it together. "Shepard, I appreciate your forwardness, but touching my fringe may get us to bed a bit earlier than you'd like."

"Oh," she replied, carefully moving her hands back to his chest. Now she looked embarrassed.

Garrus laughed shortly, watching her try to navigate proper intimacy protocols for turians.

"Turians don't kiss, they usually head butt or," he cleared his throat again. "Lick."

She pressed her forehead to his again, while he purred in response. "Things like touching my fringe or biting is usually bedroom behavior."

"Well," she smiled, giving him another kiss on the cheek before pulling away. "Perhaps you can show me when the time comes."


	11. Clarity

**AUTHOR NOTE: **So here it is…Garrus and Femshep romance scene omg. I guess I might bring the rating up, depending on how this goes, but I'm almost completely certain I can make it safe for work lmao (if you're into reading femshepxGarrus fanfic at work) I've also read several fanfictions that deal with the um…"repercussions" of them being together (nothing too serious!) and I've gotten inspiration for what is to come next, along with my own wishes

* * *

Shepard was convinced Mordin was the most merciless person on the ship. When she came down to ask him about upgrades and how he was feeling before the mission, he made quick time in telling her he knew about her attraction to Garrus.

For a moment, Shepard panicked and wondered if she was that obvious, but Mordin studied the smallest details in everyone on the ship. It would only be seen if he scrutinized her behavior around Garrus, and vise versa.

There was a point where she _knew _the doctor was just teasing her, and he jokingly rebuffed such allegations. Regardless, Mordin provided the necessary information to take precautions with Garrus, and Shepard had to admit that it was relieving.

Going into anaphylactic shock in the midst of trying to impress Garrus didn't produce a very picturesque scenario.

Was she trying to impress him? She certainly didn't want to leave a _bad_ impression, especially on the first (and most likely last) turian she was about to sleep with. Oh she had to stop kidding herself because it wasn't about him being a turian, it was about him being _Garrus_. It had always been about Garrus, even in the beginning. She loved him dammit, and she didn't know what to do about it because she didn't realize it was happening until she was neck deep.

Being with a human was completely different, partly because she had never trusted any human like she trusted Garrus. She used to fraternize when she first joined the military, but when the missions got tougher and she got serious about finishing her N7 training, she forgot about it entirely. She hadn't stopped being focused on her missions long enough to even consider being in a relationship with anyone.

Now she was stepping into beginning an actual relationship with someone. And not just another soldier, but her best friend. Possibly one of the only relationships she was able to maintain for longer than a few months, and now she wanted to risk it all for a roll in the sack.

She loved him and it was dangerous territory.

She loved him and she never wanted to lose him again.

* * *

What was he thinking? Garrus couldn't stop fiddling with the console in the main battery. He tried the same algorithm eight times before giving up. He was in no state of mind to be calibrating because he was supposed to meet Shepard in her cabin and he was panicking.

He changed into his civilian clothes and remembered to bring the bottle of (cheap) wine with him. He cursed his horrible salary – he could practically hear his father saying 'I told you so' for leaving C-Sec. Being a vigilante didn't provide very well.

Garrus was trying to maintain composure, but it was hard to keep it together when he wasn't in his armor and everyone was staring at him. He made sure the elevator was clear and went up to her quarters.

Pacing was something he did on a regular basis, whether in the main battery or looking over data pads or even using his communicator. Being outside Shepard's quarters, trying to build up the confidence to not seem like a total fool, was one of those times. But when the door opened and she smiled at him, things started to work. His voice was cooperating, and he reached for her.

It was something about the way she touched him. The timid reach and gentle caresses reminded him she was far from a turian female. At first, it had terrified him. To think that despite always being so certain about himself, he found it hard to control how he felt about a human.

Shepard. She was the exception.

And it had always been her. Even in the beginning he saw her differently than everyone else. He had covered it up with a joke at the time, but when they looked up at Terra Nova and Shepard said she wanted to visit Palaven someday, he felt something tug at his chest. He had never heard of a human being interested in something like that. He never thought a human would want to explore the turian homeworld _just because _they had turian colleagues. Shepard acted as if it was no big deal, as if being friends with a different species warranted understanding where they came from and what their culture was like.

_I trust you._ He had said on the asteroid. She had smiled. Perhaps she didn't understand what it meant to him, but he had never trusted someone who wasn't a turian before. And when she was killed, he realized the full extent of what she had meant to him. He found out what it meant to be without her, and he never wanted to feel that way again.

She touched him again, bringing her hands down his waist. He sighed.

_Spirits, he loved her_.

Why had it taken her death to figure it out? Why had he been so cautious and callous when it really mattered? He had a chance to make things right and he wouldn't throw it away.

He gently lifted one of his arms, brushing her hair behind her ear with care. He dipped his head and touched foreheads with her, then gave her a gentle lick on the cheek. She didn't seem to mind, so he did it again on her neck. She had her eyes closed now, and she was sighing. He felt her hands grip tighter at his waist and he growled in response, running his mandibles along her throat. He meant to apologize for being so forward but she laughed and he smiled in return. He didn't have to be scared. They had made their way to Shepard's bed and she was inviting him to come closer. Always closer.

He could never be with a turian woman again. He could never be with _anyone _again. Oh spirits, he realized the full extent of what was happening to him. _A turian in love._

She kissed along his mandibles and paused to take off her outer garments, Garrus doing the same. Garrus watched with fascination, her body so soft. When he held her waist it was all curves, but then, there was the gentle firmness to her stomach and shoulders. She helped him learn where to touch, where to lick. He became familiar with her body, and she with his. They spoke quietly to each other, asking if it was okay. Asking to continue. He had no reason to say no to her.

He showed her where the softer and more vulnerable parts were on his skin, underneath the harder plating that made him so alien. Garrus guessed that Shepard hadn't forgotten what it meant to touch his fringe, and he was right. She reached up and gently ran her fingers along the length of them, and he kissed her. He kissed her because he loved her and he wanted her to know. Despite the caution and the strangeness of it all, he wanted to be with her. Her mouth opened to him and he thought that if there was a heaven, he had found it in her arms.

Garrus had long given up being suave in front of Shepard. She made it clear that she had no more experience with his species than him with hers. They may have fumbled a bit in the beginning, but Garrus learned what Shepard looked like in heights of pleasure. He was past the point of embarrassment when he reached his limit. He never took his gaze off her.

Somewhere in the midst of it all, Garrus had stopped worrying about whether or not it would work between them. They entwined themselves together and it fell into place. Shepard smiled up at him, her eyes full of care and loyalty, Garrus thought his heart might break. He may have claimed to be unpracticed with humans; but it wasn't about that. They had plenty of experience with each other as comrades, as friends, as Shepard and Vakarian. He knew they would fit together. And that was more than enough.


	12. Tomorrow Never Knows

Shepard had scared herself on the Suicide Mission – multiple times. When she put Garrus in charge of the fire squad, she knew he would be perfect for the job. However, she forgot he would be out of her sights, and that made her nervous. She couldn't let anyone see it, though. They had a job to do, and Garrus told her he would keep her updated via their communicators. She could hear him every step of the way, guiding his team, being the leader she knew he was capable of being.

It had to be enough.

"Close the door!" Shepard ordered as her squadmates filed through. They made it safely into the next area, but she heard a bullet fly by her ear, and hit someone behind her. She looked back and saw Garrus holding his side. She tried not to panic, taking the small steps it took to reach him, and held his arm. He paused, and she saw him compose himself before standing up straight to give her a reassuring smile.

It was enough.

When they destroyed the human reaper and the platforms beneath them began to break, she watched Garrus slide down to where their enemy had just fallen. Anyone else would have tried to save themselves, to back up and reach for another stable platform, but Shepard jumped down the metal surface and slid to where he was. She grabbed his hand, and felt her shoulder almost pop out of place, but she had him.

Surely it was enough.

She shot at the few Collectors that gave chase when Garrus and Samara got onto the Normandy. Trying to get a running start, she jumped for the side of the ship and Garrus instinctively reached for her, pulling her up into the ship. She didn't want to think about what would have happened if he weren't there to make sure she made it.

It had been enough.

Shepard returned to the Illusive Man and gave him a piece of her mind. She was sick and tired of following his orders; she had just risked every person she cared about to destroy the Collector Ship while he sat in his chair and brooded. Now that the Collectors were gone, she didn't have to listen to him anymore. She wouldn't.

It was her turn to take command.

* * *

"Argh, easy on the ribs!" Garrus hissed as Dr. Chakwas felt along the wound in his side. It hadn't killed him, but it came close. Now that the medigel was wearing off, he felt the full extent of his injuries.

"Garrus if I don't disinfect this, your plates are going to fall off." She warned, so Garrus sighed – feeling a slight stinging for doing so – and put up with the Doctors prodding. After the bullet was removed, she wrapped his abdomen in a soft dressing. "You won't need stitches, but I advise you not to _overdo _it."

He grumbled in agreement as he stood up to put his armor back on and leave the medbay. Surely Chakwas wasn't hinting about his relationship with Shepard. Was she? He glanced back and he was horrified to see her _stifling a grin _as the door of the medbay slid shut.

By the spirits, did everyone on the damn ship know? Garrus walked back to the main battery for a quick checkup, although he was exhausted, he wanted to make sure his end of the Normandy's upgrades didn't falter if they were to suddenly be under attack again. It was difficult to concentrate on the algorithms when all he could think about was if Shepard was injured. She seemed to make a habit of brushing off any type of injury and let nature 'take its course'. Which worried him even more.

He heard the door of the main battery open and close, so he wasn't surprised when she spoke.

"Thought you'd be in here." Shepard said, her voice sounding relieved. She stood next to him as he finished the last algorithm. "You should get some sleep."

"I'm just making sure everything is in working order. Who knows who you'll piss off next." He teased. She let out a short laugh as he closed the last of the programs on the terminal. She touched his arm, inviting him.

"C'mere," she said quietly. How could he say no? He moved to her, bringing his arms on either side of her body. She had her hands on his waist – clearly having not forgotten what it did to him. She looked so tired, but when she noticed he was looking at her, her eyes brightened.

He lowered his head and gently fluttered his mandibles along her neck. She kissed his cheek as he pulled away to look at her again. "It looks like you could use the shut eye." He said, lifting one of his hands to cup her face.

"Mmm." Was her tired reply, "Come with me."

"Just lead the way." He said, reminiscent of the times he was on her six in battles. Shepard remembered all the times she glanced behind her and saw his eyes watching her, calculating her next move, never hesitating. How many times did he follow her into hell and back?

She held his hand in the elevator, leaning on him as it slowly lifted to her room. When they got out, it was like instinct. She brought him close, touching the soft hide under his fringe as he held her hips. The urgency from before the Suicide Mission was gone and it was replaced with complete calm. Garrus' movements were slower, relaxed. This wasn't about easing tension like the first time had been; it was about being there for one another.

Shepard found that although turians didn't normally kiss, he was the one to lean in for a kiss more often. He opened his mouth and she followed, sighing as he touched his tongue to hers. She could hear the soft grumble of his purring deep in his chest, and she closed her eyes. He nipped gently along her throat.

"Ah," she jolted as he bit a tad too hard.

Garrus lifted his arms, his mandibles moving in a panic. He was about to back off but she laughed, seeing his expression

"I'm sorry." He said, humiliated for ruining the moment.

"You just surprised me, is all," She said, and he seemed to relax. Shepard encouraged him to continue, letting him rest his mandibles apologetically on her wound before licking it soothingly.

She unclipped his armor for him as he splayed his hands across her back. She noticed the bandage and Garrus inwardly cussed for not thinking of it until now.

"You just shrugged it off in the base, but you had to get patched up!" she said, and he grinned sheepishly.

"It's only a minor flesh wound." He said, and she raised an eyebrow. "Unless downplaying my injury also downplays my bad boy reputation, then I am very much wounded."

Shepard laughed, and Garrus laughed too. He wanted to tell Shepard just how intense his feelings were for her, but the moment wasn't exactly right. When would the right moment even come? Would it ever come? He didn't want to think about what happened after the high of surviving a suicide mission wore off. He didn't want to think that in a few months, they might be separated again. And it didn't matter if she didn't know just what kind of implications a 'turian in love' really meant, she was with him now, and that was all he could ask for.

Although what would come in the future was unclear, as long as she lived, Garrus knew his other half would be waiting out there somewhere.

* * *

**AUTHOR NOTE: **That's the end for Mass Effect 2! I'm probably going to put in some email correspondence for the gap between Mass Effect 2 and Mass Effect 3, which will be one chapter. And then Mass Effect 3 will be at least 4 chapters probably, PLUS what happens after Mass Effect 3 which will be like, 2 chapters…so I guess the short version is that the 15 chapters mark was underestimated. Probably 20!


	13. Mind Your Manners

**AUTHOR NOTE: **More emails! This is the morning we see Shepard in the introduction of Mass Effect 3.

* * *

**To:** Commander Shepard, Alliance Navy

**THIS IS A SYSTEM ALLIANCE NOTICE. **

**Please be advised that your email correspondence with the receiver {GARRUS VAKARIAN} is not a scanned email address recognized by the Alliance Navy. Consequences for communicating with an unrecognized address include fines beginning at 2,500 credits.**

**REGARDS.**

Sent automatically via Alliance Systems Office Terminal

* * *

Are you sure you would like to permanently Delete email from **System Office Terminal**?

**{YES}** {NO}

Would you like to take a moment and explain why you have deleted this email?

**{YES}** {NO}

Please provide information as to why you have deleted this automated email.

- Spam

- **It's annoying or not interesting**

- It's inappropriate

Thank you for your feedback. Alliance email services will take your feedback and try to serve you better in the future.

* * *

**To:** Garrus Vakarian, Private Server

Sent at** 5:36am,**Year 2186

It's official Garrus, being relieved from duty sucks.

Sent via Private Terminal of Commander Shepard, _Alliance Navy_

**To:** Commander Shepard, Private Terminal

Sent at **5:47am**, Year 2186

Is no one willing to partake in some full contact sparring with the woman who took down the Collector Base?

Sent via Private Terminal of Garrus Vakarian

**To:** Garrus Vakarian, Private Server

Sent at** 5:51am,**Year 2186

Ha ha.

Sent via Private Terminal of Commander Shepard, _Alliance Navy_

**To:** Commander Shepard, Private Terminal

Sent at **6:02am**, Year 2186

How have the people back on Earth been treating you since cutting ties with Cerberus?

Sent via Private Terminal of Garrus Vakarian

**To:** Garrus Vakarian, Private Server

Sent at** 6:05am,**Year 2186

They've been civil about it, but I can tell they think I'm going to betray them.

Sent via Private Terminal of Commander Shepard, _Alliance Navy_

**To:** Commander Shepard, Private Terminal

Sent at **6:11am**, Year 2186

Humans have a funny way of holding grudges. If you were turian, you would have been pardoned. Destroying the Collector base against the Illusive Man's orders _and _cutting him out of the picture afterwards seems pretty loyal to the Alliance in my eyes.

Sent via Private Terminal of Garrus Vakarian

**To:** Garrus Vakarian, Private Server

Sent at** 6:13am,**Year 2186

I've been under constant surveillance since coming back. Lieutenant James Vega has been assigned to spy on my every move. You know, just in case I plant a bomb somewhere under the council's feet. For old times sake.

Sent via Private Terminal of Commander Shepard, _Alliance Navy_

**To:** Commander Shepard, Private Terminal

Sent at **6:17am**, Year 2186

Remind me not to get on your bad side.

Sent via Private Terminal of Garrus Vakarian

**To:** Garrus Vakarian, Private Server

Sent at** 6:19am,**Year 2186

:)

Sent via Private Terminal of Commander Shepard, _Alliance Navy_

**To:** Commander Shepard, Private Terminal

Sent at **6:22am**, Year 2186

Did you mean to send that last email?

Sent via Private Terminal of Garrus Vakarian

**To:** Garrus Vakarian, Private Server

Sent at** 6:25am,**Year 2186

It's a sideways smiley face, see? :)

Sent via Private Terminal of Commander Shepard, _Alliance Navy_

**To:** Commander Shepard, Private Terminal

Sent at **6:31am**, Year 2186

Looks more like a human nose to me. I don't think that falls under proper Alliance email protocol.

Sent via Private Terminal of Garrus Vakarian

**To:** Garrus Vakarian, Private Server

Sent at** 6:34am,**Year 2186

Afraid of the law, Vakarian?

Sent via Private Terminal of Commander Shepard, _Alliance Navy_

**To:** Commander Shepard, Private Terminal

Sent at **6:39**, Year 2186

No, not like I thought I'd be. It seems like the turian hierarchy gave me a leave of absence when I decided to become a vigilante on Omega. Only because I helped you on the Normandy, and therefore helped with the Collector Base.

Sent via Private Terminal of Garrus Vakarian

**To:** Garrus Vakarian, Private Server

Sent at** 6:45am,**Year 2186

I'm glad. I was worried about you.

Sent via Private Terminal of Commander Shepard, _Alliance Navy_

**To:** Commander Shepard, Private Terminal

Sent at **6:49am**, Year 2186

I miss you, Shepard. It's rough out here; no one is listening to my warnings about the Reapers.

Sent via Private Terminal of Garrus Vakarian

**To:** Garrus Vakarian, Private Server

Sent at** 6:52am,**Year 2186

It's the same story here on Earth. Everyone thinks I'm crazy.

Sent via Private Terminal of Commander Shepard, _Alliance Navy_

**To:** Commander Shepard, Private Terminal

Sent at **7:00am**, Year 2186

I'm considering some more drastic measures.

Sent via Private Terminal of Garrus Vakarian

**To:** Garrus Vakarian, Private Server

Sent at** 7:02am,**Year 2186

Let me know if I can help.

Sent via Private Terminal of Commander Shepard, _Alliance Navy_

**To:** Commander Shepard, Private Terminal

Sent at **7:10am**, Year 2186

Will do. I've got a meeting with him soon, so I'll talk to you later. Be careful out there, Shepard.

Sent via Private Terminal of Garrus Vakarian

**To:** Garrus Vakarian, Private Server

Sent at** 7:13am,**Year 2186

You too, Garrus.

Sent via Private Terminal of Commander Shepard, _Alliance Navy_

**To:** Garrus Vakarian, Private Server

Sent at** 7:20am,**Year 2186

And I didn't say it earlier but…I miss you, too.

Sent via Private Terminal of Commander Shepard, _Alliance Navy_


	14. The Best To You

**AUTHOR NOTE:** There is a high amount of vomiting/trying to vomit in this chapter, so I want to give a fair warning to people who have emetophobia. If I were in Shepard's shoes, I think it would really drain a lot out of me.

* * *

She had been anticipating it for years. She had spoken to Sovereign; she had felt the Prothean beacon sear visions into her mind. There were more than a few times where she found herself leaning over the toilet, feeling wave after wave of dread so strong it made her vomit, aching and sweating and terrified, because as soon as she left her private quarters, she was expected to lead. Garrus had seen it before she died; he had seen the exhaustion that bled through her gaze and the way she held herself when they were alone. It was one of the reasons she was herself around him. Because he knew who she was, and she understood what it took to keep it together.

There had been plenty of times where she dreaded speaking to the Council, hearing the same damn thing over and over again. She knew it would be no different this time. The deep mechanical sound of the Reaper stirred something in her gut, and she watched with horror as the red beam tore through the windows of the defense committee's office.

They were out of time.

"Shepard!" Anderson called to her and she felt him yank her up by the arm. She shook off the panic that accompanied her adrenaline rush. Shepard reloaded her gun and followed him to wait for the Normandy.

To wait for her ship that would take her far away from Earth. From where billions of people were counting on her to set things right.

When James and Kaidan were busily preparing for Mars, Shepard assembled her armor with shaking hands, and put her Commander mask back on. She ceased to tremble.

* * *

She was in the bathroom again, heaving into the toilet. The last time she had felt so desperately sick was when she found out she had been dead for two years. Puking in the shuttle while Jacob and Miranda doted on her wasn't exactly the best first impression she could have managed. Though instead of realizing she had been dead, this was about her possibly dying again. A nightmare with color drained out of long sweeping branches and a child too young to be burdened with war. She watched him burn, and then she felt something being ripped out of her before she woke up. It almost surprised her how fast she had made it from her bed to the bathroom.

"Shepard? Are you in there?" Liara asked at the door. Shepard got off her knees and washed her hands.

"One minute," she called to the asari, stepping out of the bathroom and keying in a code to unlock the door. She stepped out of her quarters and saw Liara leaning on the railing patiently.

"Are you alright?" Liara pushed her weight off the railing and folded her arms against her chest.

Defeating the Shadow Broker had formed a wonderful friendship between the two women, and Shepard knew Liara could see her breaking over Kaidan getting injured, but she couldn't let it yet.

"I didn't exactly get a good night's rest." Shepard confessed, but didn't reveal too much of how it was making her really feel. There would be a better time.

"I'm sorry about Earth."

Shepard managed to give her a weak smile. "I appreciate it."

"This is a lot to deal with so suddenly, but if you need to talk, please let me know." Liara said. "You've helped me through a lot, and I want to help you."

Shepard gave a wry smile. "If I can make it through this week, I think I may start feeling better."

Joker set a course for Palaven's moon, and Shepard went down to the shuttle bay to change into her armor. She met the shuttle pilot Steve Cortez, and immediately took a liking to him. He was soft spoken and amicable, indicating that he had his own fair share of scars – including the loss of many friends and a husband.

"I'm glad to have a shuttle pilot I can actually talk to. I never had the opportunity to spend time in the shuttle bay before." She said, hooking her boots into place. Steve handed her a new pistol and showed her where to find her other weapons.

"From what I understand, you drove the Mako quite a bit." He said, and she gave him a look both indicating amusement and dread.

"Oh don't get me started on that. If there was any reason for my squadmates to resent me, it would be because of my driving skills with the Mako." She joked, and Steve laughed. It felt good to see someone smile these days.

Talking with Steve had given her enough time to pull it together again. Hopefully, this time her mask would stay in place. She waited for Liara and James to get ready, and they made their way to Menae. The Kodiak's comm system showed footage of Palaven burning, and Shepard felt her gut sink. _Garrus._

"Holy hell. They're getting decimated." James' gaze was severe.

"Strongest military in the galaxy and the Reapers are obliterating it." Replied Shepard.

"Was it like this on Earth?" Liara asked.

"Yes."

"Shepard. I'm so sorry."

She saw Liara's gaze hold steady on her, but Shepard looked away. She had to stay focused on the Primarch. She couldn't let herself worry about Earth or the whereabouts of Garrus. She trusted him, and she knew he was alive.

He had to be.

* * *

Fighting Reapers off his homeworld wasn't exactly how Garrus envisioned his life would be 6 months after defeating the Collectors. He actually envisioned it happening sooner. He had known time was running short, especially after everything he and the Normandy crew had been through while allying themselves with Cerberus. He had gotten so desperate that he went to his _father_ for help.

And then Earth was hit, and he lost contact with Shepard whom he had recently realized he had fallen in love with.

It wasn't what he'd call a winning streak.

"Vakarian, sir." A soldier saluted him as he walked to another post on Menae. Soldiers behind him were still recovering from a Harvester attack.

"At ease. What is it?" he asked, picking up ammo in a nearby box.

"There's news from another outpost. Apparently they're trying to get information from Palaven command – the Primarch is dead." The soldier said. Garrus looked up.

"Primarch Fedorian is dead?" he asked, and the soldier nodded. They walked into the compound, Garrus giving orders to some of the scattered soldiers as he went.

"He was killed about an hour ago, sir, he was trying to return to Palaven. Apparently Commander Shepard is looking for the new Primarch now."

Garrus veered towards the soldier suddenly, looking at him straight in the eyes. Shepard was off Earth?

Shepard was alive?

"Here, on Menae?" he asked, and the soldier nodded. _Thank the Spirits. _"Where."

"General Corinthus' outpost, North of here."

"I'll go over there now. Good work soldier."

Everything Garrus was taught about strategy and tactics was lost by now. He had tried keeping his men alive for as long as he could, but that's the best he could do. Menae was a mess, and Palaven was burning. Something twisted in his gut with the knowledge that Shepard was in the middle of it. If she had been serious about visiting Palaven, this wasn't necessarily the best impression of his home world. Not only that, but he was worried for her safety. Who was part of her squad? Was it going to be a repeat of Omega? Reuniting with his partner but being surrounded by strangers?

He reached General Corinthus' compound with the help of two other soldiers. They went to fortify the barricade as Garrus approached the main platform.

"I need someone, I don't care who – as long as they can get the turian resources we need." Garrus heard Shepard talking, sounding exhausted and frustrated.

"Don't worry Shepard, I'll get you the Primarch." He said, stepping onto the platform. When she saw who it was, her eyes widened.

"Garrus." She said.

"Vakarian, sir, I didn't see you arrive." General Corinthus saluted him.

"At ease, general." Garrus said, putting his sniper rifle away.

"I thought you'd be on Palaven." Shepard said, walking over to shake his hand. Garrus did everything he could to keep it together – reminding himself that it had, indeed, been six months. Human attachment wasn't the same as turian attachment, and he didn't even know if Shepard felt the same as she had back then.

She tightened her grip on his hand and he folded his other hand on top of their handshake. "I'm hard to kill," he said, gazing at her. She smiled up at him. "You should know that."


	15. Changing History

In any other circumstance, Shepard would have gone to her room immediately. She would have sit on her bed and she would have stared down at her hands, maybe feed her fish, maybe try to break a few datapads. Today, she didn't. She didn't feel the need to. After Shepard was finished speaking to the Primarch, she went to talk to Garrus instead. He was the only one she wanted to talk to. The ship was suffocating her and he was her breath of fresh air.

"Garrus, didn't waste any time getting to work I see." She said, stepping down the staircase to his side. God, he looked good. She finally had time to admire him now that there weren't cannibals and husks trying to kill her. His new armor was much bulkier than the last time she saw him. It made him look sturdy, strong, and heartbreakingly handsome.

"After what I've been through lately, calibrating a giant gun is a vacation. Gives me something to focus on." He said. He switched off his omnitool and faced her.

"We're gonna need you for more than your aim." Shepard replied, subconsciously fixing the lapels on her uniform. Maybe it was time to switch over to the casual gear EDI had given her. Did it look too formal? What did Garrus think?

"Oh I'm ready for it. But I'm pretty sure we'll still need giant guns. And lots of them." Garrus said, his mandibles twitching into a smile. Shepard saw the damaged side of his face had healed over nicely. It left a trail of small wispy scars along his mandible and cheek.

"Can't argue with that." She said, when she realized he was waiting for a reply.

"Yeah…so…" he trailed off, his eyes moving anxiously around the room. "Is this the part where we shake hands?" he asked. She blinked, looking a bit confused. "Wasn't sure about the protocol on reunions, or if you even still felt the same way about me." Oh. It dawned on her now. She bit her lip, holding back a smile.

"The scars are starting to fade, I remember they drove you wild." He joked, and she couldn't bite back the laugh that escaped. "But I _can_ go out and get all new ones, if it'll help." He said, stepping closer, awaiting her reply.

She smiled up at him. "I haven't forgotten our time together." She wondered if he could tell how much she was flirting.

He visibly relaxed, and she realized he hadn't. "Well, I've been doing some more research on human customs…"

She leaned up and kissed his cheek. Then when he didn't pull away, she gently moved her mouth to his, letting him wrap his arms around her. Had it really been six months since she kissed him? When he opened his mouth, she realized just how _clearly _he remembered how to do so. He always left her breathless, and this time was no exception. She pulled back momentarily. "That's the protocol on reunions." She quipped.

He smiled, equally breathless. "The vids mentioned it might go something like that."

They disentangled themselves from each other as he continued to fumble over his words. "I had hoped it would – I mean, I didn't know if…"

She held his hands in hers, looking up at him. "I can't promise how things will turn out – not with this war – but I missed you Garrus. I thought about you a lot."

He swung their hands playfully as he replied. "Glad to know my romantic…" he cleared his throat. "_skills_ made an impression." She smiled, and then he noticed it.

He noticed how her gaze faltered. How tired she was.

"How have you been, really." He asked, and she sighed, letting his touch linger on her hands, up to her arms, her neck, and her cheeks.

"It's been rough." She said.

"Have you been getting any sleep lately?" he asked and she shook her head.

"I just wake up to be sick anyway, so I haven't really bothered." She said, and then glanced up at him. "I'm glad you're back. I always feel my best when you're here."

He kissed her for that, and she made a small sound of approval. It was clear to Garrus that Shepard didn't want anyone to see her now – she didn't want attention, she just wanted to spend a few moments with him…before the reality of the war truly set in for both of them.

After making sure Shepard was feeling better, they eventually began talking of Garrus' task force. Then they ended up on the topic of his father – and how Garrus had been getting ready for a meeting with him when Shepard had sent her last email. She tried to comfort him about his family's lack of communication back on Palaven, but he already felt hopeless. Even if he felt bitter, he tried to reassure Shepard that her mother was going to be okay.

Perhaps she had better luck than he.

They were going to need a lot of it in the next few weeks.

* * *

"If you want this Krogan alliance, you're going to have to give me something. Something my people need." Wrex said at the meeting with Primarch Victus and Dalatrass Linron. Shepard walked in, exchanging a small nod with him before standing at the head of the table.

"And what might that be." Primarch Victus asked, his voice professional but strained.

"A cure for the genophage." Wrex said, resting his weight on the table.

The ensuing conversation didn't go well. The Dalatrass vehemently opposed such a thing, speaking ill of the Krogan as if they were savages that needed to be kept in line. Shepard almost threw the Dalatrass out the airlock, Primarch Victus looked like he wanted to help her do it.

When it was revealed by Wrex that Sur'Kesh, the salarian homeworld, was actually housing fertile female Krogans, the conversation was over.

"Don't insult me – those are my people! Those female are immune to the genophage, and you're going to give them back!" Wrex roared, pointing his finger at the Dalatrass. He didn't have to be close to her to scare her.

Shepard ordered the Dalatrass to tell them where they were being held.

"I will be the last friendly turian you'll ever see." Primarch Victus had said threateningly, supporting both Wrex and Shepard. The Dalatrass accused them all of being bullies, and Shepard snapped.

"I don't care _what _you think I am." She said, her eyes severe and wild. She looked like she might step over the table and slit the Dalatrass' throat. "We need the Krogan and we're going."

Shepard had spent so much time learning of the genophage, learning the implications of what it had and what it meant to the Krogan. Their population had declined, and of course it had been necessary for a time, because all the species were desperate – Shepard understood that. But it was _only _necessary for a time.

_One thousand, four hundred, and seventy-six years, if you're keeping track._

Not wanting to create a cure now was childish, paranoid, and irresponsible. The Krogan culture had become solely trying to survive the genophage. What kind of species was that? If any of them had any hopes of winning against the Reapers, Shepard needed a cure. And she knew Wrex – she knew what it meant to him for the genophage to be dealt with so his people could flourish – and she trusted him.

Garrus had always been good friends with Wrex, and flying out to Sur'Kesh with him brought back memories of two years ago.

"I suppose I can make room for you too, Garrus." Wrex laughed after teasing Liara.

"Figured you'd gone soft after sitting on your throne for so long." Garrus smiled at the Krogan. Liara smiled too, clearly having missed the original Normandy crew just as much as Garrus. There was something comforting about being with them now. Liara was more outspoken and comfortable around the crew – she had found her purpose as the Shadow Broker, and took great strides to ensure her responsibilities were well taken care of. Wrex was no longer quietly despairing over the genophage, but taking action and building alliances to ensure his people were cured.

And Shepard…

She had been through the roughest bout. Garrus always knew she had been ready for the worst. Even from the beginning when they stood face to face with Saren, Shepard saw something even worse behind him. Controlling him. They knew from that point on that no one could escape the Reapers. She had been Anderson's XO, to commander of the Normandy, to the first human Spectre. Perhaps she hadn't taken such a drastic personality change as the rest of her crew – Shepard had always been outgoing, sturdy, and honest. Perhaps that's why Garrus had fallen in love with her. He couldn't imagine fighting the Reaper threat without her. Spirits, he didn't think they would win without her.

Although their landing on Sur'Kesh started out rough (classic Wrex), they made their way into the facility and were welcomed by none other than Mordin. Shepard smiled, happy to see him again. _There it is, _Garrus thought. The look she had when she realized she wasn't alone. It wasn't just with the original Normandy crew. Perhaps it took a handshake and a few words exchanged to really reassure Shepard that everyone was rooting for her. Only her.

The hard part was convincing Shepard that everyone believed in her. The hardest part was going to be supporting her when she realized just what that meant.

The world in her hands.

The galaxy on her shoulders.


	16. Carry On

**AUTHOR NOTE: **I'm so sorry for not posting any new chapters this month. Personal matters came up that I had to attend to. I'm finishing my semester of school in 4 weeks, so I'm extremely busy. I hope I'll be able to post one or two chapters in the near future, but I can't promise that. What I can promise is that I'm going to finish this story.

Thank you for being patient, and thank you for all the kind reviews. They help me write.

* * *

Watching the Mother of all Thresher Maws take down a Reaper wasn't something you saw every day. Garrus and Liara had been watching Kalros as she screeched and howled, slamming down into the Reaper. And then the dust overwhelmed them, and they had to return to the Tomkah. Silence continued.

"It's over." Shepard said over the fuzzy reception of the comm.

"We're in the Tomkah." Garrus replied quickly, holding his taloned hand to the side of his face, hoping the reception may get better. She had told he and Liara to leave when the fight started, but Garrus had hesitated. She had gotten angry, panicked, and yelled at him to follow orders. She was scared.

She replied, the comm link clear now. "Let me talk to Wrex and I'll be right out."

"Copy that." Liara said.

They waited for what seemed like forever, and then the door of the Tomkah opened. Shepard put her hands on either side of the doorway and tugged herself into the vehicle. Garrus didn't quite know what to expect as an expression, but she turned and gave them a small smile. Not to tell them that the mission was successful – they already knew it was. But that she was alive and that's all that she could manage for now.

"Wrex is pretty happy. Eve too." Shepard said, sitting down and feeling at a cut on her jaw. Somewhere along the way she must have cut her face. Or maybe it had been a piece of debris during Kalros' fight with the Reaper. Before that, Garrus had kindly kept the Brutes from tackling her as she ran from hammer to hammer, summoning the Thresher Maw. Thank god Kalros had gotten a bigger target. Shepard's team would have been wiped out.

"And Mordin?" Garrus asked. Shepard put both hands on her thighs and shook her head, lowering her gaze.

"_I'm sorry." Shepard had said to the salarian._

"_I'm not." Mordin replied, smiling. "Had to be me." He closed the elevator door. _

"_Someone else might have gotten it wrong."_

* * *

She wasn't expecting Garrus to be talking to Joker when she got off the elevator and headed to the bridge. Even from far away, she could hear the familiar deep flanging of Garrus' voice as he spoke to the helmsman.

"Never thought I'd see the krogan and the turians team up. Even the reapers have to be a little nervous about pissing them off." Joker said as he swiveled in his chair to meet the eyes of the commander.

"I'd say more than a little." Garrus added, taking a hold of the collar of his armor and trying to ease the tension in his neck.

"I'm sorry about Mordin." Joker said solemnly.

"He was a good man." Was Shepard's reply.

_Keep it together. Keep it together._

"Yeah he was always running those tests." Joker said, his voice more upbeat than before as he spun in his chair. "One time he tagged me in the middle of the night to ask me how many livers humans had." He looked at his arm. "And this bump on my elbow? He said it was just mild bone deformation but I'm pretty sure he stuck a probe in there."

"Glad it was just your elbow," Shepard smiled a bit, looking at Garrus.

"I always thought he was crazy. Useful, but crazy. Then he gives up his own life." He was testing the waters, watching her expression. Had she really been that close to Mordin? Or perhaps she was sentimental about losing the people she cared about. Garrus had vague recollections of how Ashley's death had been hard on her.

"To save the krogan." Joker said, a hint of disbelief in his voice. "Doesn't do much to disprove the crazy theory, huh?"

Garrus snorted. "I guess not. But he was one of ours." He said, glancing at Shepard. She nodded, giving him a meaningful look.

"Now the Krogan can turn the tide on Palaven. It'll give them something useful to shoot at."

"Dig 'til we hit daylight, huh? Works for me." Joker said as Shepard turned to leave. Garrus quickly followed.

"So how does it feel knowing Krogan will be singing songs about you until the end of time?" he asked, and she stopped to look at him. "I think it'd be an honor."

"There's enough misery in this universe. It's nice to see something go right for a change." Shepard replied.

"Can't say I've ever really witnessed history in the making like this." He said, giving her a turian smile. "Well, except for Sovereign attacking the Citadel. And then there was the Collector base, but…"

Shepard rolled her eyes and smiled, folding her arms over her chest. He was teasing her.

"This one felt good." He said. "And let's hope Wrex keeps running the show on Tuchanka."

"Agreed." Shepard unfolded her arms and turned towards the elevator.

"Would you have taken that salarian deal?" Garrus asked quickly, before she left. "If Wreav was the one in charge?"

"I could never bring myself to do that to Wrex, Garrus. But…" she shook her head, running her hand through her hair and sighing once. She thought of Wrex's tyrant brother. Would she have sabotaged the cure if Wrex had died on Virmire? She had never connected the dots like that before. "Wreav is a whole other story."

"I respect your restraint Shepard. It's nice when we can save the galaxy without destroying another race along the way." Garrus said, nodding once and returning to the bridge with Joker.

Perhaps if the person in charge was an oppressive ruler, of course Shepard would step in. Wreav wouldn't have given the krogan a new direction. He would have lead them to make the same damn mistakes as in the past. And he didn't trust Shepard.

"The Salarian councilor is available in the comm room." Traynor said as Shepard stepped close to the galaxy map. She nodded, heading to the War Room. What now?

The Salarian stepped into the familiar blue holographic feed of her communications room. "Shepard. I'm glad to see you. It's Udina."

Tyrants will be tyrants.

* * *

A coup attempt? Really? Garrus thought Udina had more style than that.

Maybe not. He had never been a fan of Udina. He wore strange human clothing and he was always berating Shepard or frowning. Or both. Did Udina even smile? He certainly wouldn't be smiling after today.

War was different on the Citadel. When the Normandy was fighting on war torn areas, it wasn't scary. Soldiers associated war with burnt trees and rubble and destruction. But seeing innocent civilians being shot by Cerberus operatives in the pristine halls of the embassies made Garrus weak in the stomach.

And when the Salarian councilor was about to be assassinated, and Thane appeared, Garrus didn't feel reassured. He didn't associate the dying drell as a good sign; in fact it just proved how desperate they really were.

"Thane!" Shepard called to him and the drell fought with such agility and flexibility, anyone who didn't know he was dying would think he was at his best. But then the tables turned quickly and Kai Leng gracefully stabbed Thane in his abdomen.

"Garrus!" Shepard yelled at him and he was already there. "I'm on it. Go, Shepard!" he ran over to Thane and helped the drell with the bleeding, but Thane insisted he was fine.

"He is dangerous." Thane said, "Siha is in trouble. We should go to her." Garrus watched him stand. Siha? He hadn't ever heard Thane call Shepard that. Perhaps he was delirious. They reached Shepard and she kneeled next to Thane as he slid to the floor.

"The injury isn't life threatening, you should go after him." He said, and she nodded once, putting a hand on his arm. First Bailey and now Thane. Garrus could see she was slowly starting to panic.

"Thank you." She said, and nodded to both Garrus and Liara to follow after her.

"Shepard?" Kaidan looked at her apprehensively. Shepard shielded the elevator as Liara smashed the console.

"Kaidan." She said. Of course he was a Spectre. She had been so distracted by Tuchanka that she had forgotten he had asked for her advice. She told him to go for it. And now he stood in front of her, pointing his gun at his old Commander.

"Stand down Shepard." Kaidan warned, and Shepard saw Garrus raise his gun. She gave him the signal to stand down, and did the same to Liara.

"Udina is behind this coup. He's working with Cerberus and he tried to kill the Salarian councilor." Shepard explained, and Kaidan squinted his eyes apprehensively.

"Please, Kaidan. You have to believe me." Shepard said, still holding her gun but keeping it lowered. She wondered if Garrus saw the way she was shaking. Was this going to be her third injured ally? She stared him down and Kaidan finally sighed.

"I better not regret this." He said, lowering his gun and stepping over to Udina.

"You won't." Shepard said, lowering her gun and trying to keep her composure steady.

"Udina. Step away from the console!" Kaidan said, pointing his gun at Udina.

When Udina pushed away the Asari councilor, Shepard saw him take out his gun. Bitterly, Shepard scoffed. Her eyebrows knit together and shot Udina before Kaidan had even blinked.


End file.
